Lamestream Media: All media with the exception of Fox News, the Wall Street Journal, and the non-gay parts of PornHub.com. Note: Gay parts can be mildly educational if your wife's at Bible study and the door is locked.

Liberal Agenda: Set of effete East Coast values written by Sean Penn and the Dixie Chicks to destroy the American family by getting our children to suck at math and listen to John Mayer.

Liberal Elite: Immoral foe nearly crushed to extinction by the superiority of the conservative agenda. Membership believed to consist of three elderly men recently expelled from the Newport Yacht club for publicly expressing fond memories of FDR.

Mormons: Creepy sex cult perverts from Utah who have arranged marriages to 13-year-old girls named Edna. Still better than negroes, but scarier than Jews.

Muslims: Swarthy apostates who hate freedom. Believe that blowing up grandmas and blond children will be rewarded with 72 virgins in a jacuzzi suite at the Heaven Best Western. Covert cells mostly operating in Iran and the U.S. State Department.

Obamacare: Theory that all Americans deserve health coverage, when they could just as easily rub some dirt on it.

Radical Feminists: Secret cabal of WNBA season ticketholders seeking to usurp the natural role of men as the boss of everything. Need to shut up and vacuum the living room.

Science: Discredited field of study practiced by sissies at northern liberal arts schools that suck at football.

Second Amendment: The God-given right to carry an assault rifle to Sunday brunch at Applebee's in case there's a kid wearing a hoodie.

Tea Party: People who hate socialism and government entitlements but live off Social Security and Medicare because that stuff doesn't count.

Traditional Marriage: A union between a man and woman who argue over a period of three to seven years, then separate and file unflattering paperwork about each other. Repeat cycle as necessary.

Values Voters: People willing to be economically fucked over as long as we keep bagging on the minorities.

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3 comments
DeadLenny
DeadLenny

A missing definition...

 

'So-Called' Christians:

Usually hiding behind the names "Episcopal," "Methodist," and "Congregationalist," So-Called Christians focus on un-American aspects of the Bible such as compassion, love, redemption, forgiveness, and peace, instead of wrath, vengeance and selected parts of Leviticus, like Real Christians.  So-Called Christians are generally dupes for the Homosexual Agenda.

If a local church has organized Communist programs such as a soup kitchen for the poor, a clothing drive, drug counseling services (for free), or has a congregation whose members don't wear ties or dresses on Sunday, they probably aren't Real Christians.  

Inspect the property for zoning violations to have them shut down, if possible.

DeadLenny
DeadLenny

Addendum: Both the Episcopal church and the Catholics refuse to recognize Saint Reagan.

wordless
wordless

Republicans are the masters of 'doublespeak' the dubious language that deliberately disguises, distorts, or reverses the meaning of words.

They have Romeny whose values are defined by the dollar symbol, and Ryan who believes only his mother deserves Medicare.

 
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