We never watched the The Fifth Element, in theaters or anywhere else. But we noticed the posters, to be sure. Milla Jovovich wearing nothing but an arrangement of bandages like she had been attacked by a very precise cat — praise be to God. Did you know that dress was designed by Jean-Paul Gaultier? You’ve done cosplay conventions a solid, Jean-Paul, not to mention Halloween. Recently, we saw the dress on a woman in a press release for The Fifth Element: Live on Stage, and after a pathetically large number of double-takes, it sunk in: The Fifth Elementis getting the Dark Room stage-adaptation treatment! And it’s being corralled, cast, and directed by Timothy Kay of Numberkay Productions, a veteran of many classic Dark Room stage adaptations. As for The Fifth Element’s plot, it has to do with something something Milla Jovovich bandages the future. The movie also has wonderful names — Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg, Leelo, Diva Plavalaguna, Ruby Rhod, Korben Dallas, Mangalore, the Divine Light, the Great Evil — which means it’s basically perfect. The one with the bandages is called Leelo, and she’s played by Becky Hirschfeld. She is the One.
Fridays, Saturdays, 8 p.m. Starts: Oct. 5. Continues through Oct. 27, 2012