Cock Swain: A Naked Pirate Infiltrates a Yacht Club

Of course Bridgette Carroll has coverage for her sailboat. "We have insurance for natural things," she says. Unfortunately, her 26-footer, the Slowly But Surely, suffered something of an unnatural disaster. "I haven't looked to see if we have an insurance policy for a naked man stabbing it with a hoe. You just don't think that's going to happen to your boat."

But that's exactly what happened. If Carroll has coverage addressing this, it'd be awfully suspicious.

Nude men gallivanting about in public tend to make people suspicious, too — especially in the context of a yacht club. On July 13, the Bayview Boat Club, a stone's throw from AT&T Park, was hosting its annual "Plastic Classic" regatta. It was a gorgeous day to be on the bay, but the morning's most intense action took place largely on or near dry land. Event-goers glanced up from beers and cocktails as angry voices bellowed "Hey! You can't take that! Put that back!" and an interloper wearing only a ratty pair of pants and a purloined orange life vest promenaded through the club.

At around this point, the man dropped his pants. They stayed on the dock, but he made his exit.

The nude invader hurled himself into the water, and waded 500 yards to the Mariposa Hunters Point Yacht Club. At some point he came into possession of a large pole later identified as the aforementioned gardening hoe. And, with the hoe in tow, he swam out to the Slowly But Surely. After unlacing two of the three lines tethering the boat, he leaped on board and began swinging his hoe like John Henry in an attempt to sever the last line.

While that line resisted repeated hoe-blows, the boat's fiberglass deck absorbed at least $1,000 in damage. Waving about a large garden implement during an au naturel attempt to commandeer a sailboat is inadvisable, and eyewitnesses say the would-be pirate lost his footing and tumbled into the bay. He continued to pummel the boat for a while until police finally coaxed him to swim ashore. Ronald Morgan (no known relation to privateer and rum mascot Captain Henry Morgan) was subsequently booked for attempted grand theft of a boat, providing police with false identification, and "some traffic warrants." His effects — a pair of pants with a wallet and ID within — were subsequently handed over to the cops by the Bayview Boat Club.

Staffers there note that, other than the incident with the naked guy, the Plastic Classic came off really well.

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