March Proudly or Scuttle Guiltily into Theaters this Season, Depending

9/4

Highbrow: Salinger

If you want to know the truth, this documentary about reclusive author J.D. Salinger should be seen by both fans and phonies alike.

Lowbrow: Riddick

Vin Diesel finally gives up and just remakes Pitch Black.

9/13

Highbrow: Populaire

Like a Jennifer Aniston rom-com set in the Mad Men era, but in French and without Jennifer Aniston.

Lowbrow: Insidious: Chapter 2

Because calling the horror sequel Insidious, Too! would feel too retro.

9/20

Highbrow: Museum Hours

A guard and a visitor find romance in a Vienna museum in which the statues don't even come to life at night, so whatever.

Lowbrow: Battle of the Year

Josh Holloway (the hunky bad boy from Lost) teaches Chris Brown (the less said, the better) about somersaults and teamwork.

9/27

Highbrow: Inequality for All

Economist Robert Reich lays out the inconvenient truths about the disappearing middle class.

Lowbrow: Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2

The first movie crossed with Jurassic Park, and plenty of poop jokes.

10/4

Highbrow: Gravity

Sexy astronauts Sandra Bullock and George Clooney get stuck in orbit, without so much as a single ray-gun (which makes it highbrow).

Lowbrow: Runner Runner

A college student becomes embroiled in a deadly game of cat-and-mouse with Ben Affleck in the high-octane world of, um, online poker.

10/11

Highbrow: Captain Phillips

Tom Hanks as the beardo captain of that cargo ship that was seized by Somali pirates.

Lowbrow: Machete Kills

Enh – if making Machete sequels keeps Robert Rodriguez from making Spy Kids sequels, it's all good.

10/18

Highbrow: Zaytoun

You might not guess that Stephen Dorff plays the Israeli pilot in this one, but he does.

Lowbrow: Carrie

You might reasonably guess that Chloë Grace Moretz will get covered with pig's blood, and then kill everyone.

10/25

Highbrow: Blue Is the Warmest Color

This NC-17 coming-of-age drama from France, where it won the top Cannes prize, is based on a graphic novel whose author complained of the film's "so-called lesbian sex, which turned into porn." Curious?

Lowbrow: Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa

Lest we think it from the makers of Bad Teacher, Bad Lieutenant, or Bad Santa, this movie stars Johnny Knoxville.

11/8

Highbrow: The Armstrong Lie

Years ago, we were promised a movie about the gel-filled 1976 action figure Stretch Armstrong. Damn it, where is that movie? Well, here instead is Alex Gibney's documentary about Lance Armstrong and his formerly denied performance-enhancing drugs.

Lowbrow: Thor: The Dark World

Chris Hemsworth returns as Marvel's hammer-wielding interstellar Viking god-hero, with Natalie Portman once again as his Earthly scientist lady-friend.

11/27

Highbrow: Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom

Mandela. Elba? Why not, right? Still most famously Stringer Bell from The Wire, Luther from Luther, and those various other guys from those various other things (including both Thor movies), Idris Elba gets his big chance to anchor a biopic on Nelson Mandela, still most famously the great anti-apartheid revolutionary.

Lowbrow: Homefront

Stallone. Statham. Franco? Why not, right? For this action thriller about a DEA agent (Jason Statham) versus a drug kingpin (James Franco), Sly confines himself to script and producer duty only. Or does he?

12/20

Highbrow: Inside Llewyn Davis

Given its title and its makers, the Coen Brothers' new movie might be a two-hour proctology joke, but apparently it's a drama about the burgeoning folk music scene of New York City in the 1960s, starring Oscar Isaac, Carey Mulligan and Justin Timberlake.

Lowbrow: Anchorman: The Legend Continues

It took nearly a decade for the legend to continue, but here it is, reuniting director Adam McKay, producer Judd Apatow, and stars Will Ferrell, Steve Carell, and Paul Rudd, who this time shall buffoonishly negotiate the burgeoning cable news scene of New York City in the 1980s.

 
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