Now take a look at yourself. If you're in San Francisco, chances are you're wearing a bit of flannel, with a hint of prep (check out those penny loafers) and a ton of confidence because you've been voted most attractive in the country.

San Francisco had plenty to brag about in 2013. Various publications and companies from Travel + Leisure to Movoto Real Estate did us a great service all year long by consistently ranking the city at the top, or damn near it, in their pseudo-scientific "studies."

Let's do a double take. That baby is healthy (No. 1 city for babies). That dad is hung low (sorta). (No. 15 for penis size). He's definitely hot (No. 1 for attractive dads). And his wife likes to get spanked (No. 1 for kinky women).

Don't believe us? Check your fingernails (No. 6 for manis/pedis). Check your clothes (No. 1 for laundromats.) Check your ride (No. 1 for green commuting). Check your high (No. 3 for herbal refreshment). Check your attitude (No. 1 for snobbiness). Check your life (No. 3 most livable city).

Now do the math (No. 1 for intelligence) And check your reaction. Blushing? Thought so. We ranked ourselves 18th in the looks department. Color me modest, stuff me with noodles (No. 3 for take-out) and drape me in rainbow (No. 1 gay-friendliest), San Francisco killed it in 2013!

Quick! What's the most Oscar-nominated film to go home empty-handed? Trick question; there's two: The Color Purple and The Turning Point with 11 nods each. Duh. (No. 2 for movie buffs).

So what's it all mean?

Easy. We're ridiculously attractive yet humble flannel-wearing preps with nothing-to-be-ashamed-about penises that make contact with happily fertile, bite-loving mommies who then birth tech-savvy, most-likely gay babies who grow up to be eco-friendly wizards with a penchant for Stanley Kubrick. Jonathan Ramos

Seen Around
The year in visual art was a year of breathtaking highs and a few definite letdowns. Without further ado, the hits and misses:

Best exhibit to have seen at 2 a.m.: Christian Marclay's The Clock, the 24-hour film featuring thousands of movie scenes that reference the time of day. From April 6 to June 2, SFMOMA screened The Clock, including a series of all-night showings that were completely surreal. Sleeping, snoring art-goers? Yup. Once-in-a-lifetime art experience? Yup, again.

Most indelible display of French artistry: From Sept. 12 to Oct. 26, the Modernism gallery devoted its entire space to Jacques Villeglé, whose artwork comprises ripped street posters. Villeglé's large-scale works are frenetic and impossibly beautiful, with faces of yesteryear mixing with advertising phrases and snippets of extravagant colors. For lovers of collage, Villeglé's sea of canvases was complete ecstasy.

Most inspired (but still disappointing) exhibit of a formerly famous painter: Anders Zorn of Sweden was so revered in his day that three U.S. presidents chose him as a portraitist. "Anders Zorn, Sweden's Master Painter," which opened Nov. 9 at the Legion of Honor, showcases Zorn at his surprising best — but still falls short, missing as it does the presidential works that cemented Zorn's reputation in America.

Most inspired (but still disappointing) exhibit of a still-famous painter: The de Young Museum's retrospective of David Hockney, "David Hockney: A Bigger Exhibition," which opened Oct. 26, takes up two floors, and gives us Hockney at his most expansive. Hockney's iPad drawings are divine. His portraits are less so, but they're there in droves — one after another after another, many of them from the same perspective.

Best street art that stayed visible: "Rush Hour" at Market Street near Seventh, which features a wolf-like creature and an intricately tattooed figure. The work — done by Cannon Dill, Zio Ziegler, and Feral Child — fronts a lot that's undergoing construction. The building boom continues, but so do the city's daring street artists.

The most transfixing photo exhibit: A tie among Camille Seaman's iceberg photos at Corden/Potts (Jan. 3-Feb. 16), Gordon Parks' centennial images at Jenkins Johnson Gallery (Feb. 21-April 27), Garry Winogrand's accumulated works at SFMOMA (March 9-June 2), and Philip Jarmain's shots of faded Detroit at the Meridian Gallery (Sept. 7-Oct. 20).

Best exhibit of behind-the-scenes art: Chuck Close is famous for his huge grid paintings. From Sept. 5 to Nov. 16, John Berggruen Gallery's Close retrospective included a series of gridded photos that Close used as the basis of paintings. Deconstructing Close's process gave us the full Chuck Close — art as a journey rather than a finished destination. Jonathan Curiel

Sex on BART and With BART
It's hard to know what's more disturbing about the video: the very fact of two people fucking in a seat on a BART train or the weird intimacy of it. This is not the kind of performative, porny sex that you might expect from a couple going at it on public transit. It's just a woman riding a man, the two of them seeming to want to find some kind of rhythm, and the effect on the viewer is a sort of embarrassment, as though we've intruded on a private moment, via someone's smartphone camera.

Which is patently ridiculous, of course, because these people were having sex on a goddamn train. They should be the embarrassed ones, not us. Nevertheless, the mid-July video went viral and confirmed some deep fear about what we all assume is happening on those seats when we exit the car, a reminder that when we settle into that upholstery, we are sharing the intimate space of countless others.

« Previous Page
Next Page »
My Voice Nation Help

Happy Nude Year to you!!!

San Francisco Concert Tickets
©2014 SF Weekly, LP, All rights reserved.