Email Author Alan Scherstuhl

Awards

• 2009 - Kansas City Press Club Heart of America Awards, published April 3, 2008

  "The Best Story of the Year"

• 2009 - Kansas City Press Club Heart of America Awards, published April 24, 2008

  "Desert Storm"

• 2009 - Kansas City Press Club Heart of America Awards, published September 11, 2008

  "Water Logged"

• 2009 - Kansas City Press Club Heart of America Awards, published November 13, 2008

  "What's At Stake"

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2012 Stories by Alan Scherstuhl

• Subway Can't Afford to Give San Francisco Five-Dollar Footlongs

  published Mar 28, 2012

  Odd news from Subway, the ubiquitous sandwich chain distinguished by its sickly-sweet bread stink, its perpetually fogged-over windows, and that galumphing pitchman who reverentially lugs about his ol... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Here Is That 1965 "Problems of Sex Organ Size" Pamphlet You've Been Looking For

  published Mar 27, 2012

  Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from Golden State thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets. Problems of Sex Organ Size Author: Paul Willia... More >>

• Geraldo Rivera, You're This Close to Telling Black Kids to Wear White Face Make Up

  published Mar 23, 2012

  Dear Geraldo, Usually, when people get mad at you, they bring up that time a white supremacist broke your nose with a chair, or that time your live-TV peek into Al Capone's crawl space revealed only ... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  10 Highlights from Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos Comics, Drawn by Steve Ditko

  published Mar 22, 2012

  Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from Golden State thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets. Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos issues 2 and 3 Au... More >>

• Live Review, 3/16/12: Drive-By Truckers Are Pretty Much Why We Bothered Having Rock 'n' Roll in the First Place

  published Mar 19, 2012

  Drive-By TruckersFriday, March 16, 2012The FillmoreSomewhere out there in the multiverse, on Earth 2 or some damn place, opening for what's left of Lynyrd Skynyrd back in '02 brought Drive-By Truckers... More >>

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  So Madonna Is a Satanist, According to This Detailed and Hilarious Christian Post Article

  published Mar 17, 2012

  You know everything that's ever been memorable about Madonnar The dunce-cap bustiers, the dry-humping of various taboos, the deeply remunerative pop-sexual controversiesr Oh, and all those great songs... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Ethel Cotton's 1960 Course in Conversation Will Teach You Fancy Talkin'

  published Mar 15, 2012

  Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from Golden State thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets. The Ethel Cotton Course in Conversation Author: ... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Lost Robert Altman Movie Discovered at Flea Market by Filmmaker Gary Huggins (Video)

  published Mar 12, 2012

  Long before he chronicled the human comedy in rough-edged classics like M*A*S*H, Nashville, McCabe & Mrs. Miller, and Short Cuts, iconoclastic director Robert Altman spent decades perfecting the rules... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Harold Camping Apologizes for There Still Being a World

  published Mar 09, 2012

  A letter of apology from apocalypse-predicting nonagenarian radio preacher Harold Camping was released yesterday on his Family Radio website. "Yes, we humbly acknowledge we were wrong about the timing... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  The Joys of Russian Star Wars: Meet Tripeo, Erdva Dedva, and Obi-Wan Knob

  published Mar 08, 2012

  Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from Golden State thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets. Big Star Wars article in Amerika Magazine Date: 1... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Netflix Says That Actually It Doesn't Advertise with Rush Limbaugh

  published Mar 06, 2012

  For the last year or so, Netflix CEO Reed Hastings has been behaving like the hero of Brewster's Millions or some other sad '80s comedy (probably available for streaming!) where the hero has to piss a... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Razor-Bladed Frisbee, Oxygen-Mask Bong, and 13 Other Crazy Inventions Seized by '70s Cops

  published Mar 06, 2012

  Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from Golden State thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets. A stack of FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin Date: Sp... More >>

• Sandra Fluke's Crudest and Most Cowardly Online Attackers: A Literary Analysis

  published Mar 06, 2012

  Because she had the temerity to be a woman in America with an opinion about something, Sandra Fluke has spent the last week being both attacked and honored by people who have not read or watched the t... More >>

• KSFO's JD Hayworth Tells Rush Limbaugh's Advertisers "We'd Love to Have You Over Here"

  published Mar 05, 2012

  Former congressman JD Hayworth hosts the most gentlemanly three hours in conservative talk radio, twinkling warmly over the 9 a.m.-to-noon shift at KSFO 560 with all the fire and fury of the avuncula... More >>

• East Bay Earthquake Did No Damage but Felt Like God Cannonballing El Cerrito

  published Mar 05, 2012

  This morning's magnitude 4 earthquake terrified pets and sleepy folks across the East Bay, but it appears to have done no damages, unless we're counting a brief closure of BART, the interruption of sl... More >>

• "Commie Girl" Rebecca Schoenkopf Promises a "Jollier" Wonkette

  published Mar 02, 2012

  Here's another reason Rick Santorum is wrong about college: When you go to school, you meet other people who have gone to school, and then later you can call them and interview them for blogs or whate... More >>

• KSFO Recalls Andrew Breitbart Saying "Progressivism in San Francisco Has Ruined This Wonderful Town."

  published Mar 01, 2012

  The most interesting time to listen to talk radio is a day with fresh news, because it demands actual thinking from hosts who usually just spend hours each week spewing forth librul-hatin' nonsense as... More >>

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  Knit Your Kid a Mohawk: 12 Ridiculous '80s Crafts from Annie's Pattern Club

  published Feb 29, 2012

  Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from Golden State thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets. A big ol' stack of Annie's Pattern Club magazines ... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Rick Santorum, 1967 Otis Redding Knows More About Education Than You Do

  published Feb 26, 2012

  Sunday ad-circular vest model Rick Santorum is going around the country arguing that pretty much every new feature that America has developed since 1950 is in fact a bug that Quality Assurance should ... More >>

• Coloring Books No Kid Could Ever Want, Including David Lynch's "Dune"

  published Feb 17, 2012

  Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from Golden State thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets. Dune Coloring Book Author: Michael Nicastre Da... More >>

• Rick Santorum, 1975 Loretta Lynn Has Something to Say to You

  published Feb 16, 2012

  This morning, a Wyoming gasbag who backs Rick Santorum puked up some ridiculous words on TV news for all us Internet people to laugh at. (This is what TV news is for.) Big-money Santorum super PAC d... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  The Glenn Beck Web-Site Lottery: How Many Beck Photos Can You Get on One Refreshr

  published Feb 15, 2012

  Morning zoo sweater dumpling Glenn Beck is best known for saying ridiculous things on TV for a couple years and then suddenly not doing so anymore, probably because of the backstage scheming of Beck's... More >>

• Candy Heart Valentine's Day Graffiti Might Make Lonely Folks Feel Better

  published Feb 14, 2012

  You know how candy corn tastes like sugary candles, and Peeps taste like sugary foam, and candy hearts are pretty much just sugary chalkr Over on our sister blog The Exhibitionist, our funny, talented... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Accidentally Dirty Kids' Book Roundup, Featuring The Lonely Doll

  published Feb 09, 2012

  Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from Golden State thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets. The Lonely Doll Author: Dare Wright, story and... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Six Serious Questions We Want to Ask Opponents of Same-Sex Marriage

  published Feb 08, 2012

  Hi, Opponents of Same-Sex Marriage! I suppose you're wondering why we've invited you here today, the day Washington state joined the world of the future by approving the kinds of weddings you don't c... More >>