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2005 Stories by Katy St. Clair

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  • I Wanna Be Adored

    published December 28, 2005

    Let us now discuss recognition. The end of the year is a time for it: top 10 lists, thank-you notes, bonuses, gift certificates to Outback... More >>

  • Christmas for in-betweeners at the Black Magic Voodoo Lounge

    published December 21, 2005

    This year I have been listening to KOIT-FM (96.5) during the holidays. Maybe it's because the station is playing more old stuff -- Sinatra, Nat... More >>

  • Tender Isn't the Night

    published December 14, 2005

    Watch yourself, because there are militant Hare Krishnas out there. In fact, when last I checked -- which was the late '90s -- they were in... More >>

  • DNA Loungin'

    published December 7, 2005

    Let's discuss attractiveness. Biologically speaking, good looks don't have much of a function beyond getting the looker laid, which, for the... More >>

  • Katy St. Clair weighs in on pee-pee, poo-poo, and the Casanova

    published November 30, 2005

    Loyal Readers may be wondering just where this column was last week. Last week, Loyal Readers probably opened the paper and zoomed straight to the... More >>

  • Say Schwa

    published November 16, 2005

    Many artists have died before finishing great works. Spalding Gray's ironically titled Life Interrupted, Charles Dickens' The Mystery of... More >>

  • Opa!

    published November 9, 2005

    So Friendster's been doing this shitty thing lately: The site is sending invitations to people that you have previously invited to join, but who... More >>

  • And Awards We Go

    published October 26, 2005

    There's sort of a running joke among my friends as to how someone who a) hates crowds, b) is sick of seeing live music, and c) is usually in bed... More >>

  • Rogue Wave

    published October 19, 2005

    The Mama Buzz Cafe is the queen bee of Oakland's young underground art scene, an amber-glowing pocket in a long row of sketchy Oakland storefronts... More >>

  • Do It Again, My Friend

    published October 19, 2005

    Last week I had such a pleasant day, which I will refer to as "Joe's Dream Day." Joe is one of my favorite developmentally disabled clients. He is... More >>

  • Miss Oktoberfest

    published October 12, 2005

    It is at this time each year that everyone gathers to celebrate the wedding of Therese of Sachsen-Hildburghausen to that lucky chap Ludwig I of... More >>

  • Chaos Theory

    published October 5, 2005

    The origins of the word "chaos" are surprising (well, let me clarify that by saying, "The origins of the word 'chaos' are surprising if you are a... More >>

  • I Think, Therefore I Drink

    published September 28, 2005

    To paraphrase John Kerry, you can be very certain about something and still be very wrong. This has been bothering me for quite some time.... More >>

  • You Suck What?

    published September 21, 2005

    My grandfather had the enviable experience of seeing Marilyn Monroe's panties. As a crew member for 20th Century Fox, he was the person who held... More >>

  • Private Parts

    published September 14, 2005

    Anyone who believes in Intelligent Design has never experienced natural childbirth. After huffing and heaving and moaning for 36 hours, my... More >>

  • Beam Me Up, Jugdish

    published August 24, 2005

    I am the proud owner of a Nichelle Nichols CD (Lt. Uhura from Star Trek). Nichols putting out a record is not that big of a stretch,... More >>

  • New Pornography

    published August 17, 2005

    When a fly rubs its, er, "hands" together, it is not being Machiavellian. It is, in fact, the insect's way of cleaning itself, no doubt muttering,... More >>

  • A Very Special Concert

    published August 3, 2005

    "Ooooh, man, I can't wait to see Huey!" said my client Sean, busily brushing his hair. I work with Sean in a day program for people with... More >>

  • Owl In

    published August 3, 2005

    Owls are bulbous and therefore one of the cutest animals we've got. They look like Keane paintings of birds, with huge eyes, fat, feathery feet,... More >>

  • Arrrr, Matey

    published July 27, 2005

    Yes, I know that pirates are so 2003, so goddamn Eggers, but they've been on my mind a lot lately so bear with me. I have been spending... More >>

  • We're Rich, Beeyatch

    published July 20, 2005

    Social scientists say that it is rare for a person to move from one class to another; people generally stay in their income/status bracket for... More >>

  • I Ain't No Holocaust Girl

    published July 13, 2005

    It's not often that you can meet a German in a Latin club and talk about the Nazis, but I guess I was just lucky. "Birgit" was more than happy to... More >>

  • It's the Little Things

    published July 6, 2005

    Say what you want about Chicago, girlfriend, but it's a better museum town than this place. Polish-parking-lot-attendant-looking mofos with big... More >>

  • Ex Ed

    published June 29, 2005

    Here's the thing about Miss Marple. The Agatha Christie heroine looks like a doddering old biddy who therefore must have a marked decrease in... More >>

  • Weird Science

    published June 22, 2005

    Acatalyst is something that initiates the change of something else without being changed itself. So, like, if I put a bear trap at the... More >>

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