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2003 Stories by Matt Smith

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  • Critical Masturbation

    published May 14, 2003

    I ain't going to spend me no money On women or drink I'm saving for a Schwinn Pixie Painted shiny... More >>

  • Vicious Cycle

    published May 7, 2003

    David Evans, the slight, soft-spoken program director of the Castro's Stop AIDS Project, and the group's publicist, Shana Krochmal, share a couch... More >>

  • Hosed

    published April 30, 2003

    San Francisco Fire Chief Mario Treviño -- a summa cum laude college graduate and one-time Seattle engine captain who has served at... More >>

  • Remembrance of a War Past

    published April 16, 2003

    Eventually, it will be over. America's troops will return from Baghdad. The country's acrimonious spring will warm to summer. Peacenik parents... More >>

  • Risk Reassessment

    published April 9, 2003

    When it comes -- and the day will come -- San Francisco hospitals and delis and apartments and shoe stores will lie in rubble, singed by... More >>

  • alt.war

    published April 2, 2003

    On Le Conte Avenue, a couple of doors uphill from the edge of the UC Berkeley campus, there's a small apartment building that may, just may... More >>

  • A Gift That Stands Out

    published March 19, 2003

    In the annals of gift-giving, certain moments stand alone. In the year 32 B.C., Mark Antony gave Cleopatra the Riviera. In A.D. 36, God gave... More >>

  • Fajita Backlash

    published March 12, 2003

    I think I've found a silver lining to the awful fix our city's police department has found itself in. Now that Assistant Chief Alex Fagan Sr. has... More >>

  • Industrial Nightmare

    published March 5, 2003

    R&R French Bros., a commercial floor-covering showroom and warehouse on Alabama Street, has been part of the economy of San Francisco's industrial... More >>

  • Losin' It

    published February 19, 2003

    As San Francisco enters a season of political upheaval in which more than $300 million must be cut from the city's budget, just as voters prepare... More >>

  • Abort. Abort.

    published February 12, 2003

    It was only by happenstance that PricewaterhouseCoopers released a scathing financial audit of NASA just two days before the space shuttle... More >>

  • Fun with Pipe

    published February 5, 2003

    By one measure at least, America is living a gilded age of journalism. In years past, investigating a story meant contacting the staff librarian... More >>

  • Common Cents

    published January 22, 2003

    There are few vocations less appreciated, yet more essential to the launching of the modern era, than that of the pamphleteer. Two hundred... More >>

  • Nuclear, Dude

    published January 8, 2003

    It's another quiet day at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. Homer snores at his desk while his dog licks doughnut crumbs from his limp... More >>

  • Fissilingual Predictions

    published January 1, 2003

    With 2002 emitting death rattles and 2003's cervical mucous plug just popping out, it seemed again time to fustigate(1) that reliable bromide: New... More >>

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