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2005 Stories by Matt Smith

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  • Keep It Really Real

    published December 28, 2005

    Did you hear the joke about the comic with a radio talk show called Keeping It Real, whose co-host is political-payola-kingpin Willie... More >>

  • Pretty Rowdy in Pink

    published December 21, 2005

    Imagine a pink-clad, political fairy princess with magical powers, which allow her to accomplish anything at all, no matter how impossible-seeming... More >>

  • Free Love and Enterprise

    published December 14, 2005

    Last weekend, a literate friend looked at the sidewalk seven paces south of my doorstep and exclaimed, "That's the Tristero's horn." She was... More >>

  • Legal Complications on Steroids

    published December 7, 2005

    Fifteen years ago, former Boston newspaper hack Dan Osipow answered an ad to valet a San Francisco financier's bike racing hobby, and went on to... More >>

  • The Smoking Gun

    published November 30, 2005

    Anne Landman isn't a real archaeologist, at least not of the sort who wields a rock hammer in the African desert. But she's become a Louis B.... More >>

  • Pedal Power

    published November 23, 2005

    All cultural spectacles contain a social lesson. Watching baseball, youngsters learn it's possible to hit a small leather sack over and over... More >>

  • Let's Go to Print

    published November 16, 2005

    Since printers began in the 1400s to carve shavings from blocks of birch, maple, and cherry and apply ink to the remaining relieved wood, they've... More >>

  • Baring Equality

    published November 9, 2005

    California's legal system is so skewed toward insiders that a young man busted for reefer can be barred from being represented by an attorney,... More >>

  • Welcome to Talkalot

    published November 2, 2005

    Despite whatever criticisms one may level at Mayor Gavin Newsom, you have to admit he has balls. Last Wednesday Newsom delivered a State of... More >>

  • The Money Went Fore What?

    published October 26, 2005

    In San Francisco, bureaucrats under the mayor's control took $13 million from a state fund earmarked to preserve "safe neighborhood parks, clean... More >>

  • S.F. Hosing Authority

    published October 19, 2005

    Restaurant cook Tyra Huntley remembers waking up the morning after Hurricane Katrina, relieved to find the rains had stopped, the strong winds... More >>

  • Reeferzilla Meets NIMBY-Ra

    published October 12, 2005

    Since the dawn of consciousness, mankind has pondered the Big Questions. Godzilla versus Mothra? Jesus versus Santa? Cheech & Chong... More >>

  • Pig Government

    published September 21, 2005

    Last Thursday I pushed a stroller with two small children for a couple of hours through tens of thousands of honking, backed-up cars. And boy... More >>

  • Stupid White Tricks

    published September 14, 2005

    If you've ever wandered past a New Age healing seminar, a UFO convention, or a blocks-long line for a Steve Jobs speech, you understand how... More >>

  • Tour de Farce

    published September 7, 2005

    While lounging on Taylor Street this past Sunday watching America's biggest bike race make its way around North Beach, you might have allowed your... More >>

  • The Daly Deal

    published August 31, 2005

    I might sum up the whole thing by sayin': "I seen my opportunities, and I took 'em." -- George Washington Plunkitt, philosopher of... More >>

  • Remote Controlled

    published August 17, 2005

    In the future, the world's surface may be salted with billions of synthetic brain cells, each sensing its surroundings and communicating with... More >>

  • Noir You See It, Noir You Don't

    published August 10, 2005

    If San Francisco were 1930s Hollywood, I were playing a fedora-wearing newsman, and Gavin Newsom's mess of a city government were a Burbank back... More >>

  • Kees to the City

    published July 27, 2005

    Discussed in this essay: John Gartner, The Hypomanic Edge: The Link Between (a Little) Craziness and (a Lot of) Success in America. ... More >>

  • Political Insurance

    published July 6, 2005

    For ambitious politicians whose job it is to regulate financial firms, clashing with San Francisco trial lawyer Ray Bourhis is not a career... More >>

  • Up Theirs, Please

    published June 29, 2005

    "Fock!" is my 30-month-old daughter's new favorite word. Last week she conjugated it as: "Focky Mommy." My wife cleverly retorted that if she ever... More >>

  • Bridge Out

    published June 22, 2005

    In Kentucky, you can buy a type of iron ore-rich gravel useful for radiation-resistant concrete vaults. In San Francisco, this type of concrete is... More >>

  • Environmental Cycle

    published June 8, 2005

    Last week, this city became awash in green as mayors from around the world prepared to burn acre-feet of jet fuel traveling here for the United... More >>

  • The Daily Lickspittle

    published June 1, 2005

    San Francisco's mayor decided recently to borrow an additional $120 million to help rebuild the Laguna Honda home for the elderly; the new loan... More >>

  • The Mayor's Quake Insurance Program

    published May 25, 2005

    In San Francisco's perfect political storm, a wave of earthquake destruction careens through the Richmond, Sunset, and Excelsior districts,... More >>

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