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2008 Stories by Matt Smith

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  • Chronicle Armageddon?

    published Dec 30, 2008

    In the second paragraph of the final post of's "World Views" blog, Edward Gomez teases what reads like an impending massacre at the Chronicle. To wit: "...Numerous other, familiar feature... More >>

  • 2008: The Year S.F. Grew Up

    published December 31, 2008

    Nine years ago, San Franciscans went to bed with dread and giddy anticipation. Either the Y2K bug would spawn a man-against-machine dystopia,... More >>

  • SF Weekly Exclusive -- It's Official: San Francisco Repeats as Soweto USA

    published Dec 23, 2008

    By Matt SmithFor the third year running San Francisco has managed its public housing as the equivalent of a Third World slum. New information from the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Develop... More >>

  • Criticism From SF Weekly Worse Than Global Financial Meltdown?

    published Dec 22, 2008

    By Matt SmithHere's a pop quiz(R): Which is worse? A.) A U.S. banking crisis sparks a chain reaction in global financial markets leaving no economy unscathed, spawning talk of unemployment, pover... More >>

  • No Dickensian Christmas in SF as Harlots, Peaceniks, Go to Washington

    published Dec 19, 2008

    Traditional Christmas in San Francisco is a colorful Charles Dickens pageant of ragtag peaceniks and harlots on Market. Street, in the Tenderloin, and in the Mission. Most years, they recreate the moo... More >>

  • Iraqi Shoe Guy Disses San Francisco

    published Dec 19, 2008

    By Matt Smith When Muntadar al-Zaidi of Cairo-based al-Baghdadia TV threw his size 10 shoes at President George Bush, San Franciscans were thrilled. It now appears, however, that it's not just Geor... More >>

  • City Attorney Joins "SF Weekly = Nostradamus" Bandwagon

    published Dec 18, 2008

    By Matt Smith Knowing a bandwagon when he sees one, City Attorney Dennis Herrera today indirectly proclaimed SF Weekly to be a newsprint-based All Being, All Knowing, Mistress of Sight and Sound.... More >>

  • Purged From SF Schools, Scientologists Woo Weeuns Out of State

    published Dec 17, 2008

    By Matt SmithFour years after San Francisco Chronicle reporter Nanette Asimov repelled a Scientology infiltration of California classrooms, the cult has moved to New Mexico, where believers hoodwinke... More >>

  • Department of Shut the F*** Up Already: UC Berkeley Cunnilingus Lessons

    published Dec 16, 2008

    SF Mayor Gavin Newsom, apparently unaware that moralists were plotting to ban gay marriage, stood in front of a video camera and gave them the perfect radio spot for promoting Propositi... More >>

  • Mad SF Scientists Unwittingly Resurrect Herb Caen

    published Dec 15, 2008

    People loved Herb Caen for many reasons, but perhaps his most passionate advocates were  among followers of a recurring feature called "namephreaks." Caen would often sprinkle his colu... More >>

  • Precious Cargo

    published December 10, 2008

    During World War II, U.S. soldiers were temporarily stationed on Vanuatu, an archipelago 1,000 miles north of Australia. The natives were... More >>

  • Kids These Days More Concerned With Term Papers, Lunch, Than Welts, Diarrhea

    published Dec 08, 2008

    Students at San Jose State University were more preoccupied with homework, lunch and gossip about holiday vacation plans than the possibility they may someday break out in soaking nighttime sweat... More >>

  • SF "Nostrudamus" Weekly Update: Copia Copeth Not

    published Dec 08, 2008

    By Matt SmithParanoid fantasists consult the prophesies of Nostradamus for guidance on current events. The smart set, meanwhile, consults back issues of SF Weekly. This publication firmly established ... More >>

  • Yuletide Good Will Spells Ruin For SF Law Firms

    published Dec 08, 2008

    By Matt SmithAn apparent upwelling of holiday good cheer has destroyed two of San Francisco's oldest law firms, which had thrived during much of the past century by exploiting greed, jealousy, fear, m... More >>

  • The Day The Music [Subsidy] Died -- Peskin to Take Symphony Off Dole

    published Dec 05, 2008

    By Matt Smith SF Weekly wasn't the only one annoyed to discover that SF Symphony Conductor Michael Tilson Thomas pulls down in the ballpark of $3 million annually from symphonies that happen to be p... More >>

  • Car Alarm

    published December 3, 2008

    Standing across the highway from the Altamont Landfill, which receives more than 80 percent of the garbage produced by San Francisco, Rick Lymp... More >>

  • Junk in the Trunk

    published December 3, 2008

    When old vehicles wear out, many motorists call Habitat for Humanity, one of several charities that raise money by asking for automobile... More >>

  • Business Conductor

    published November 19, 2008

    These are trying economic times — unless you're Michael Tilson Thomas, the baton-waving tycoon at the head of the San Francisco Symphony... More >>

  • Has Gavin Gone Rogue?

    published Nov 17, 2008

    This campaign poster, obtained by SF Weekly, suggests Gavin Newsom is stealing from Sarah Palin's handler-stuffing playbook as he runs for governor of California. We missed the old hearty partying N... More >>

  • Change Hasn't Come to S.F.

    published November 12, 2008

    After he was spotted crying at Barack Obama's victory speech, Jesse Jackson noted the historical portent of the president-elect's status as the... More >>

  • Barack Obama and Screamin' Doc Howie

    published Nov 07, 2008

    SF Weekly columnist Matt Smith files the following I-Team investigative report exploring the historical context of the Obama victory: SF Weekly cracks open the history books to trace the strat... More >>

  • Train Wreck

    published November 5, 2008

    When San Francisco is forced during the coming months to triple bus fares, let parks turn to weeds, fire librarians en masse, and allow... More >>

  • The Failed Experiment

    published October 29, 2008

    Imagine having a father like Emmett Brown, the crazy tinkerer from Back To The Future. Among friends, one could brag about genetic... More >>

  • On the Waterfront

    published October 22, 2008

    Some might perceive mere assaults on good taste amid the knickknack stores, greasy spoons, and sea-lion stench at San Francisco's Pier 39.... More >>

  • The American Dream's $700 billion price tag

    published October 8, 2008

    During the past few weeks, obscure economics professors have appeared on television screens and in the text of countless newspaper articles to... More >>

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