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1996 Stories by Rob Brezsny

Archives: 1999 | 1998 | 1997 | 1996 | 1995
  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published December 25, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): Seismologists were recently intrigued to discover the existence of slow-motion earthquakes. Unlike the fast, powerful... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published December 18, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): If you'll ever in this life get your picture in the newspaper, it'll probably be because of the heroic (or at least... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published December 11, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): In one of the editions of Ripley's Believe It or Not, there's a story about a man who could catch, kill, cook, and eat... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published December 4, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): Fake magic alert! Watch out for mirages, delusions, and hoaxes -- especially the sexy ones. Don't you dare let these... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published November 27, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): Attention all Aries on the edge of time! And you Aries on the edge of the couch, too, for that matter! The cosmic... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published November 20, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): A respected poll recently found that only 27 percent of New Hampshire's adults do not believe in angels, and that a... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published November 13, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): I dreamt of an anarchist nun. (I knew that's what she was because those words were on the T-shirt she wore over her... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published November 6, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): Are you familiar with gargoyles? On Gothic buildings, they were the grotesque stone creatures designed to scare away... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published October 30, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): Dangling rubber skeletons, thick, crusty spider webs, pretend witches' cauldrons filled with pretend lizard eyes and... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published October 23, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): Just in time for your descent into the romantic underground, I've composed one of my patented Cranky Love Prayers for... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published October 16, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): I just read Robert Bly's poem "Conversation With a Holy Woman Not Seen for Many Years." "I could not come earlier," he... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published October 9, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): Imagine this scenario: The CEOs of 10 major corporations, including two defense contractors, hold a press conference to... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published October 2, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): Thinking of getting hitched? Of signing on the bottom line? Of marrying your fortunes to those of a new tribe, guide,... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published September 25, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): Here comes the most exacting astrological shakedown of the year. On Sept. 26, in a spectacle that happens just two or... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published September 18, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): Talk about kicking your own ass! You're as close as you've come in many moons to living your own life (as opposed to... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published September 11, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): I wouldn't exactly compare this week to a smooth cruise in a limousine. Nor can I predict eight lanes of yellow brick... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published September 4, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): To achieve the proper levels of humility and compassion necessary for total success this week, you should consider... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published August 28, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): During my stay on Maui, my normal paranoia levels have declined drastically. Fears I've always taken for granted don't... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published August 21, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): If I were your kahuna, I'd prescribe herbs to build your immune system. I'd advise you to meditate on three images that... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published August 14, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): You've got it all these days -- incandescent allure, effervescent creativity, shimmering exuberance, and a fresh... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published August 7, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): Was there ever a book you were attracted to exactly because you didn't understand it? Because you had a hunch it might... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published July 31, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): As I meditate on you and peer into my crystal ball, I behold a horde of rabbits staging an orgy in a garden where... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published July 24, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): Welcome to Real Astrology, the Official Horoscope Column of the 1996 Summer Olympics. I'm proud to say that some of the... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published July 17, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): Once upon a time, a spunky Aries set out on a journey across the wasteland, hoping to reach heaven on Earth. For eons... More >>

  • REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

    published July 10, 1996

    Aries (March 21-April 19): After the Greek government initiated a massive anti-smoking campaign, cigarette sales rose sharply. When I launched a... More >>

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