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Best Rap Album by Horny Punk Kids San Francisco 2003 - Gravy Train!!!!'s Hello Doctor

This is one hip hop record you're not going to hear on the radio -- and not just because it sounds like it cost as much as P. Diddy's daily Cristal bill to make. Oakland's Gravy Train!!!! is as raunchy as they come, mixing its trademark topics of sex and food with a lurid vivaciousness that's addictive. Hello Doctor, the quartet's full-length debut for the Kill Rock Stars label, recalls all those sexy foreign films like Tampopo and Like Water for Chocolate, in which doing it and eating it become intertwined. The only thing is, Gravy Train!!!! isn't singing about oysters and mole; these young punks are coming at you straight from White Castle (and white trash-ville). In "Burger Baby," singer Chunx gets knocked up by a quarter-pounder; in "Kottonmouth BJ" a blossoming ho's dry mouth gets in the way of a good blow job, thanks to too much potato chip-munching and marijuana-huffing. Beyond such salacious anthems as "You Made Me Gay" and "Titties Bounce," the Train!!!! hits hilarity in the keister with "Double Decker Supreme," a duet in which Hunx recalls jacking off in a hot dog bun and Chunx admits to having "more fire in my crotch than Danny Bonaduce." Somehow, I don't think Julia Child will be playing this CD anytime soon -- although she could probably learn a thing or two from the exercise workout of "Pussy Thrusts."

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