Five Best Stops on a Brokenhearted Girl's Road to Recovery - 2003
You've returned those stupid bluegrass CDs that you never liked anyway, and made your last midnight drunk-dial. The romance is Officially Over, and now you're cycling through Elisabeth Kübler-Ross' five stages of death, lingering on the anger part. This would be a good time to visit Valencia Street, where, within a short stretch of road, a gal can regain her bearings.
1210 Valencia (at 23rd Street), 974-8980, www.goodvibes.com
This friendly neighborhood sex-porium features adult books, videos, and toys you don't need a partner to have fun with. Here, solace comes with double-A batteries, and night-table reading includes randy tales from the Herotica series and Betty Dodson's eye-opening Sex for One.
Lost Weekend Video
1034 Valencia (at 22nd Street), 643-3373
Bypass The Way We Were and pick up something cheerful, like an Eddie Izzard stand-up routine (in the BBC section), or a good old-fashioned Dario Argento bloodbath (on the classic horror shelf). Imagine yourself with the ax and your ex pleading, "No! No!"
955 Valencia (between 20th and 21st streets), 282-6333, www.osento.com
Will yourself past the voodoo talismans at Botanica Yoruba and head north to this women-only spa housed inside a white Victorian. If a soak in the hot tub and a good sweat in the saunas don't dissolve all those weeks' worth of tension, an on-site massage surely will.
911 Valencia (at 20th Street), 648-2015
You can stock up on supplies for a DIY spa night at Currents, where you'll be treated to cheap aromatherapy just by breathing deeply. Huge glass jars of dried herb mixes and bath-salt blends promise relaxation and detoxification: Mist your newly steamed pores with lavender spray and buy yourself a glow-in-the-dark rubber duckie because, well, you must.
La Rondalla Restaurant and Cantina
901 Valencia (at 20th Street), 647-7474
This comfy Mexican restaurant promises blissful retoxification, since its fame rests on the alcoholic wallop of its margaritas. Once you're there -- armed with new toys and reading material, relaxed and glowing and fragrant from your previous stops -- find a seat at the counter and order said margarita along with a basket of chips and guacamole. Repeat as necessary, and remember -- you'll live.