Growing a mustache because it looks cool makes you a chump. Cultivating a nostril mat for the benefit of children makes you a champ. San Francisco has a long list of bleeding-heart causes, but none is as much fun as Mustaches for Kids. The nationwide fundraiser encourages an influx of third brows every fall, when the San Francisco branch hosts its local championships. The idea is simple. "Growers" wipe their five-o'clock shadows clean at a predetermined bar, attend requisite mustache checkpoints, and raise lots of pledge money that'll eventually reward a specific youth charity. One month later they celebrate during the 'Stache Bash at Rickshaw Stop. For one humor-filled evening, top fundraisers compete in contests involving hair haikus, feats of 'stache strength, and beauty pageants. Those facial flourishes elicit more than just laughs — last year San Francisco's lip ticklers raised more than $77,000, making ours the highest-earning Mustaches for Kids chapter in the nation.