Hey, Everybody: About half my mail is responses — letters from faithful readers offering up their two cents on topics that have come up in the column recently. In the interests of emptying my in-box, let's charge through a few.
Hey, Faggot: In response to Julie W., who hates body hair and asked if there were “men who would gladly shave their body hair,” I am one who would and does. I share Julie's appreciation of the hairless body — on both men and women. I happen to have a very hairy body, so to attain the desired effect I have taken to shaving my entire body, with the exception of my eyebrows. I enjoy the way it looks and feels, especially since I like to wear fetish clothing, e.g., stockings and garters and such, and it feels better on a hairless body.
Most of the women I have gone out with have not been bothered by my body hair; in fact, many like it. I, on the other hand, prefer smooth, clean skin. I have also talked to quite a few women who do not like body hair, so Julie is not alone. If Julie were to place an ad, she would, as you said, find “hundreds” of guys who would like to be hairless for her, and many of them would be “unpresentable freaks with no social skills” — but I am a great guy: kind, creative, sensual and handsome, who would love to be in a relationship with a woman who wanted to keep me hairless. So please pass my note on to Julie, and maybe we can talk. If it doesn't work out, at least it will assure her that there are others who share her love for the hairless.
Clean Shaven Guy
Hey, CSG: Thanks for sending in the above words of encouragement, as well as your address and phone number, all of which I will pass along to Julie.
Quite a few letters from men offering up their hairless personages for Julie's approval have arrived — as I knew they would. Boys: I'm passing your letters on to Julie, but be advised — my column runs in seven cities, and Julie only lives in one of them. If Julie decides not to get in touch with you, don't take it personally. Julie may not be interested in establishing a long-distance relationship — after all, what fun is shaving someone's chest over the phone?
And, Julie: Don't take any foolish risks. If you decide to contact any of these men, please use yer noggin: Get references, find out where he works, don't give him your address until you're sure he's trustworthy, meet in public several times before you go anywhere secluded to shear the boy — all the usual precautions we should take when meeting a stranger through, say, the personal ads. Be smart, Julie — be safe.
Hey, Faggot: In defense of shaving: I started shaving years ago when I became a stripper — the customers liked it. I loved the way it felt and looked, and now I shave for me. I shave my bikini line, the lower half of my labia (my cutoff is the clitoral horizon) and around my perineum and anus.
Slick Tips From Generations of Strippers: Use soap or shaving lotion. Muy Importante: Shave in the direction that the hair grows! Do not shave against the grain! This causes bumps, razor burn, ingrown hairs and discomfort. Use a mild lotion — one with aloe, cucumber or mint — to soothe the area. Take your time. The next day it feels fine. Two days later, it itches a little. Three days later, I shave again. I use damn good razors because my pussy is worth it. I also shave my armpits and legs to subvert the furry-lesbo stereotype and enhance my femme appearance.
Hey, A.: It sounds like shaving opened new horizons for you — clitoral and otherwise — and your tips should come in handy for readers interested in denuding themselves or dating Julie W. But I have to stand by my original advice: In my opinion, genitals and butts with neatly trimmed, close-cropped pubes look and feel nicer than hairless or — as is more often the case with shaved crotches — near-hairless, stubbly ones. Thanks for writing.
Hey, Faggot: I can't believe that in all of this talk about cunnilingus no one has mentioned the use of fingers! Well, guys, let me fill you in: Tongues are great — wonderful, in fact — but an added treat is always a finger or two in the vagina or the anus (or both). My husband drives me absolutely insane with rug munching, and this is how he does it.
Step 1: Start with only the mouth around her genitals.
Step 2: After a while tease the woman with a finger or two, tracing around the genital area.
Step 3: Insert the finger(s) into the vagina and play around — sometimes by going in and out, sometimes just feeling around for some of those wonderful nerve clusters behind the clit. If your woman likes fingers in her ass, that's great, but don't put your finger into her ass and then into her coochie — that's not good hygiene.
One Lucky Woman
Hey, Everybody: No more cunnilingus letters for a while: It's getting so I dread opening my mail in the morning. This ain't On Our Backs, you know. It's my column, and I'm gay and I want to talk about buttfucking again! Enough with the twat-munching pointers. Jesus.
Hey, Faggot: I just read the letter in your column on the subject of horizontal and vertical erections, and it rang a bell. There has been research on this subject; Kinsey discusses it in Sexual Behavior in the Human Male. (It's in the index, under “Erections, angle of penis.”) Kinsey reports that the average angle is very slightly above the horizontal, but “there are approximately 15 to 20 percent of the cases where the angle is about 45 degrees above the horizontal, and eight to 10 percent of the males who carry the erect penis nearly vertically, more or less tightly against the belly.” The average angle is, in general, higher for younger males and lower afterward.
How do I remember all this? Because I am old enough to have been around in the 1940s, when Kinsey did his research; in fact, I briefly worked for him. I read your column to keep up with the latest trends in sex; I'm not in a position to keep up with them personally.
P.S. If you print any of this, please don't use my name. I teach at the City University, and my students would find it excessively interesting.
Hey, M.H.: Thanks for writing, Teach.