Bouncer

  • Chaos Theory

    The origins of the word "chaos" are surprising (well, let me clarify that by saying, "The origins of the word 'chaos' are surprising if you are a... More >>

  • I Think, Therefore I Drink

    To paraphrase John Kerry, you can be very certain about something and still be very wrong. This has been bothering me for quite some time.... More >>

  • You Suck What?

    My grandfather had the enviable experience of seeing Marilyn Monroe's panties. As a crew member for 20th Century Fox, he was the person who held... More >>

  • Private Parts

    Anyone who believes in Intelligent Design has never experienced natural childbirth. After huffing and heaving and moaning for 36 hours, my... More >>

  • Beam Me Up, Jugdish

    I am the proud owner of a Nichelle Nichols CD (Lt. Uhura from Star Trek). Nichols putting out a record is not that big of a stretch, because... More >>

  • New Pornography

    When a fly rubs its, er, "hands" together, it is not being Machiavellian. It is, in fact, the insect's way of cleaning itself, no doubt... More >>

  • Owl In

    Owls are bulbous and therefore one of the cutest animals we've got. They look like Keane paintings of birds, with huge eyes, fat, feathery feet,... More >>

  • Arrrr, Matey

    Yes, I know that pirates are so 2003, so goddamn Eggers, but they've been on my mind a lot lately so bear with me. I have been spending time in... More >>

  • We're Rich, Beeyatch

    Social scientists say that it is rare for a person to move from one class to another; people generally stay in their income/status bracket for... More >>

  • I Ain't No Holocaust Girl

    It's not often that you can meet a German in a Latin club and talk about the Nazis, but I guess I was just lucky. "Birgit" was more than happy to... More >>

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