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Chains of Love: Delightful Domination - By - December 30, 2014 - SF Weekly
SF Weekly

Chains of Love: Delightful Domination

This holiday season my boyfriend, Sam, received a very exciting present: a little device known as the CB-3000. It has three clear, medical-grade polycarbonate parts that lock together like a puzzle with a little heart-shaped padlock.

It covers the penis entirely, save for a tiny hole at the front to pee from. When locked, it prevents the wearer from obtaining an erection, or accessing the shaft or head of the penis. There are many male chastity devices out there — some with leather, some with spikes, some with metal — but the CB-3000, from what I've read online, is one of the best.

To be clear, I did not give this device to Sam. He has a dominant/submissive relationship with a woman who is not me. Her name is Penny Barber, and she's a good friend of mine, as well as an amazing dominatrix whom I really look up to. She torments him, humiliates him, and generally makes all his kinky dreams come true.

Until I met Sam, pretty much all of my partners had been sexually dominant in some way. My only experience with submissive men had been at work. As much as I love getting paid to give a good spanking or watch a man deep-throat my high heels, I had never explored the possibility of having a real-life partner who was submissive.

But when I met Sam at a BDSM conference a couple of years ago, there was something about his boyish good looks and overanxious desire to please me that got me crushing hard. Luckily, he didn't expect or want me to be some sort of latex-clad mistress 24/7. Most of his submissive energy goes to Penny, but he likes it when I tease him and boss him around now and then. Truth be told, our sex life is fairly vanilla, but I do enjoy knowing that if I tell Sam to do something, he'll do it.

So a few days before Thanksgiving, Sam sent me a text message that said something to the effect of, “Heads up, Penny is doing a Christmas chastity thing with me so she is giving you a key. Hope that's not too weird/annoying.”

Sam and I are both kinky. We both like taboo role-play and edgy BDSM activities, but I think it's adorable that he still gets anxious that I'll judge him about his fetishes.

The next time I saw Penny, she presented me with a tiny key on a chain of pink, heart-shaped plastic beads. Sam's junk would remain locked up tight from Nov. 20 until Dec. 20, and Penny and I would be the only two people with keys. Penny encouraged me to use my key whenever I wished, but I was actually more eager to add to Sam's predicament. I liked sending him butt selfies knowing that he wouldn't be able to jerk off to them until weeks later. I was amused by the way the equipment tortured him; when he'd come over, I'd rub my butt up against him just to see him squirm with discomfort. Even though the chastity arrangement was primarily about Sam and Penny's dynamic, I got to play a supporting role and reap the benefits of a long-term BDSM scene without having to be entirely responsible for it.

Now that his time under lock and key has ended, Sam says his relationship with his dick has “changed forever,” and he'll never take jerking off for granted again. Sam says although the overall experience was positive, he's not necessarily anxious to do it again — there's far more maintenance, pinching, and smooshing involved than any online erotica would have you believe.

I, however, feel differently. At another time in my life, I probably would have thought that having another woman put my boyfriend's penis in a tiny cage for several weeks would be bizarre or threatening, but I was surprised to find the whole idea fascinated me and definitely turned me on. At times I felt drunk with power, and I wasn't even directing the scene.

At the beginning of the monthlong chastity experience, Sam had said that if I ever wanted to lock him up, he would be more than willing if the idea turned me on. Turns out, it does. So even though the Christmas chastity season ended for 2014, there's no telling what may happen in 2015.