Game of Thrones: An Open Letter to King Joffrey, Who Still Sucks

To: Prince King Joffrey

Date: Just after episode one of season two

I apologize for the egregious error in my greeting, your grace. I assure you that I am but a humble servant, loyal to your crown. You haven't been king for long, so confusing your title is not unthinkable, and to be completely honest, I'm just naturally kind of a fuck up. One time I wore a polo shirt backwards for most of an afternoon — a polo shirt, your grace! I do beg your mercy…

Oh, who the fuck am I kidding. I can't do this. You're a twat, King Joffrey, a spoiled, horrible twat, and I would like to watch a direwolf rip out your throat with its teeth. (That is, if the producers ever work out those direwolf effects.) I was inconsolable for most of the day after you put Ned Stark's head on a spike, and I generally find your workplace attitude to be unpleasant. You might think you've got it made, but when you, as Robert Baratheon's alleged heir, became king, you inherited the proverbial 99 problems as well as the iron throne.

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