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The Whore Next Door: Back to the Old Hump and Grind - By siouxsie-q - March 2, 2017 - SF Weekly
SF Weekly

The Whore Next Door: Back to the Old Hump and Grind

Back to the old hump and grind. Porn behind the scenes. (Courtesy of Andre Shakti)

Last May, I made the bittersweet decision to take a hiatus from performing in porn and devote all of my time and energy to fighting Proposition 60, a ballot measure that could have decimated the adult-film community in California and beyond. I knew that if I didn’t do everything in my power to ensure that this misguided, noxious piece of legislation was defeated, I wouldn’t even have a porn career to return to. Thankfully, it didn’t pass, making porn safe in California for the time being. So it’s time for me to get back to the old hump and grind.

Of all the different types of sex work I’ve tried throughout my career thus far, porn is my favorite. It reminds me of my days spent as a teenage dirtbag theater nerd. My friends and I were always working on crazy projects for the stage or screen: parody commercials, messy punk-rock performance art, any pretext to get weird and make people watch us. Porn isn’t so different.  

I booked my first two scenes back in the hustle in February when local writer and performer Andre Shakti chose me as her scene partner for a small lesbian company. Andre and I have run in the same circles for years, but we somehow had never managed to shoot together. Nor had we ever had sex (even though, for the record, our first interactions inside the Kink.com dressing room were definitely flirtatious.)

Warming up with a scrimmage shoot with a close friend before I dove back into the type of hardcore BDSM content I often perform in seemed like a wise choice — especially since I’d been booked for a five-guy gangbang a few weeks later. I needed to make sure I could still run a mile before heading into a marathon.

Although I’ve missed getting paid to have sex with hot people, the epic hair and makeup, and the silly costumes and dialogue, the main thing I’ve missed about adult film is the athletic lifestyle. When I was performing full time, I devoted much of my week to yoga, weight training, cardio, and a strict diet, but now that my life is more about policy papers and political action committees, there’s not as much time for crafting my porn star bod. To get ready to be naked in front of the camera again, I’ve had to convince myself that I’m living in a training sequence from an inspirational sports movie from the ’80s. This involves a great deal of hard-boiled eggs and running around my neighborhood at 7 a.m. in a waist-training corset. It’s not easy or glamorous, but neither is being a porn star.

The day before my shoot, I drank tons of water and made sure to leave time for a nice long afternoon at the gym, which is where I was when Andre texted to tell me she was running late for our shoot — today. Not tomorrow. Today, in one hour’s time.

Goddammit.

I had accidentally saved the shoot date incorrectly in my calendar, so I jetted out the door and made a beeline home, to shave all the body hair below my eyebrows, and try to make the hair on my head look like I hadn’t just been sweating for two hours.

This was not how I wanted to to make my triumphant return to the digital screen!

Still, I somehow managed to beat Andre to the model house, and as soon as my false eyelashes were on, my trepidation vanished.

Just like riding a bicycle, I remembered exactly how to look pretty while getting head from a hot babe — especially one who’s no noob at cunnilingus — and even how to reciprocate without getting lipstick all over my face. Andre and I finally got to fuck dressed as college co-eds, goth teenagers, and — finally — with me stripped naked, bound, and fully submitting to some pretty serious tickle torture.

After we wrapped four scenes, we counted our stacks of bills and packed our bags, snuggling and catching up on life outside of porn. The still photos of our scene were posted to social media later that evening, and I breathed a sigh of relief: I still looked like a porn star. Prop. 60 and a shift to office life hadn’t stolen my adult-film career from me just yet.

Later that night, I went to a friend’s house to set up for a party. I tried my best to stay present enough to move furniture and make decisions about decorations, but after only an hour, I was found curled up on the couch, catatonic from a day of sexual performance.

I’m back in the game, but there’s still a lot of training to be done before I can play in the big leagues again, and gangbang day waits for no one.