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Wedded Kink: Ball and Chains - By - April 15, 2015 - SF Weekly
SF Weekly

Wedded Kink: Ball and Chains

“You know what my husband really likes?” Shay asked me while my head bounced up and down in her aforementioned husband's lap. I gazed up at her cruel, icy eyes and long, blond hair. I've always thought she looked a bit like an angel, but she is probably the biggest pervert I know.

“He likes dirty little slave girls just like you,” she continued as she stroked my hair.

The two of them were snuggled close on a luxurious velvet couch at Kink.com's The Upper Floor, which serves as a backdrop for the website of the same name. Shay's husband, Stefanos, is the producer and steward of the site, which showcases “lifestyle BDSM” and is best known for elaborate play parties attended by local kinksters.

While The Upper Floor is first and foremost a porn site, Stefanos ensures the parties also feel like a community for those who attend, including Shay, an ER nurse by day and a kink educator by night.

I had attended events as a guest in the past, bartering my image for free drinks, gourmet snacks, and a fancy play space with vibrators plugged into every wall socket, but that night I was on the clock. I had been booked to play a house slave for the evening and celebrate Stefanos' birthday with a lavish party of Bay Area perverts, organic strawberry shortcake, and a double blowjob for the birthday boy from me and fellow porn performer Bella Rossi.

The night was clipping along wonderfully, with plenty of spankings and Champagne to go around. Our blowjob scene was secondary to the main action featuring models flown in from Los Angeles, so once they got going, we started prepping for the next shot.

I don't know if people outside the industry know this, but fluffers are a myth. Perhaps during the golden age of 1970s porn there was a cute intern who made sure all the dicks on set were standing at attention when cameras started rolling, but in my experience, fluffing your co-stars in between scenes is just part of the job.

So I was fluffing away, and to my very pleasant surprise, Shay came over and asked if she could assist. I've known both of them for years, and Shay is a naughty nurse with killer abs, so I didn't even consider saying no. She sat down and began whispering filthy suggestions into her husband's ear while she instructed me on exactly how to please him with my mouth.

Behind us, the camera captured an 18-year-old from Florida experiencing a Hitachi Magic Wand and two dicks for the first time. But amid all the performative sex from both the featured stars and the guests, I found myself nestled inside a magical moment of intimacy between a husband and wife of over a decade. That doesn't happen every day, even on a porn set.

When so many marriages end in divorce, it can be terrifying to embark on a relationship model that departs from traditional notions of monogamous commitment. There are few positive mainstream representations of marriages that include kink, nonmonogamy, and fluid sexuality, which is why this couple have always struck a chord with me, long before I got a chance to peek inside their sex lives while on the job.

Stefanos and Shay have been pillars of San Francisco's kink scene for years. They teach classes, host parties, and hold the title of International Power Exchange couple of 2014, which is basically prom king and queen in kink land.

They both identify as “pansexual polyamorous playsluts,” which means they both have serious relationships and casual kinky sex with people outside their marriage.

As a couple, they've amassed close to 15 years of experience in BDSM and polyamory. They teach classes on everything from first-time explorations to fire play, suspension bondage, and even blood pendants. More about their classes, parties, and how to rock a blood pendant as if Billy Bob Thornton never made it uncool can be found at www.stefanosandshay.com.

Though their marriage may seem impossibly nontraditional, they are one of the most solid, supportive, happy couples I've ever met. Their commitment to each other, and to their community, shows that modern marriage isn't beholden to traditional rules. A birthday blowjob from a porn star can absolutely be part of a long-term committed partnership.