City officials are considering whether to order late-night pizza parlors Cable Car Pizza and Broadway Express Pizza to start closing early (by which I mean 2:00 a.m.) in North Beach in an effort to reduce drunken frolicking (by which I mean fighting) in the streets after the area bars and clubs close. I don't know when the last time the city's Planning Commission got wasted and hung around North Beach in the middle of the night was, but if they gave it a shot, they might realize a few of the cardinal rules of drunkenness:
1. Hungry drunks are quicker to anger.
2. Food, especially greasy-ass pizza, soaks up booze and often soothes the savage drunk.
3. Standing in line at a pizza parlor increases the time between your last drink and your drive home.
Pizza Pizza by roy.wagner on Flickr
— Brian Bernbaum