(Monotonix at the Knockout, by John Graham)
Welcome back from the holiday, turkeys. Our G-I tracts have shut down in protest of the weekend's overwork. We're backed up like the I-5 coming out of L.A. Our janitor will be earning his keep this week.
So today is “cyber monday,” evidently; the day Americans waste $488 million in productivity buying crap online instead of working. We don't believe that figure from today's Examiner, but we don't care, cus you're wasting your time with us. Ha-ha! Welcome to the Hangover, I'm your web editor, David Downs.
Let's start with a quick distraction:
1) An Intro to Hip Hop Stats, by Oscar Pascual. Just in case you wondered how to graph the scientific fact that 'bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks.'
Now that you've upgraded your grey matter, WTF happened this weekend?
Aside from the usual shootings and car wrecks:
— Monotonix and Triclops! tore up the Knockout and John Graham has pics and the story.
–And “Let It Snow!” opened at the Phoenix Theater, for those into improv holiday theater musicals. (Four words that should never be out together, IMHO.) Ariel Soto brought back these shots.
On the schedule this week:
–Today: SF GovernmentInAction briefs you on everything NOT happening this week at city hall.
–And RaidersSuckNinersSuck tears local Bay Area NFL a new one.
— MUNI sucks donkey dick. Joe Eskenazi explains how MUNI's boss makes more than his peers in New York or Chicago.
–Tuesday, BetterKnowAnSFBlog trolls the blogosphere for local delicacies.
–Wednesday we offer the week's Best In Comments! Yay! We hate you fockers.
–Thursday, we're figuring it out..
—Friday we Pre-Party hard with Circus Oz in Berzerk-town, ColdHotCrash, Comedians of Comedy, the Shooting Gallery and too much more.
And, of course, we will be at more great shows like:
—Pebble Theory at the Slims (Friday)
—Escort at Mezzanine on (Friday).
That's it, retards. Enjoy your cybersex Monday.