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Friday, August 19, 2011

Go Topless on Sunday, Then Get Abducted by Aliens: The 5 Weirdest Things About

Posted By on Fri, Aug 19, 2011 at 8:30 AM

click to enlarge Going topless isn't as fun as talking with our alien overlords.
  • Going topless isn't as fun as talking with our alien overlords.

What could be more fun than a topless afternoon in the park for a political cause? You can protest and feel sexy at the same time. We're tempted to say it's too good to be true, but it's better than it seems.

The event, this Sunday from noon to 3 p.m. at Dolores Park, is organized by As we reported a year ago, the group and its events are basically publicity stunts for the Raelians, a cult that believes alien scientists created humans. Their leader, Rael, is not just a prophet -- he's also a songwriter and race-car driver, the "fastest spiritual leader in the world!"

We're determined to be informed before we laugh at the Raelians on Sunday, so we scoured the group's website for the best nuggets of wisdom. Here are the five craziest things we found, with original spellings, grammar, and punctuation preserved.

click to enlarge The ad for Rael's seminars. Looks like a blast!
  • The ad for Rael's seminars. Looks like a blast!

5. Raelians to world: "Stop persecuting politicians who 'cheat!'"

Apparently we shouldn't be mad at politicians who cheat on their spouses because more sex = less war. Also, Tiger Woods is a boss and we should have left him alone so he could screw as many women as possible.

"The growing number of U.S. officials pressured into resigning because of their sex lives is so ridiculous!" said Ricky Roehr, spokesperson for the Raelian Movement. ... "Whether it's sending sexy photos, having affairs or being caught with prostitutes or Gay escorts, so what? No matter what jobs people have, if they have healthy sex lives -- and by that I mean sex lives they have really chosen -- their job performance will always be better! And in light of the fact that a healthy sex life is one of the best ways to curtail violent tendencies, we Raelians highly recommend that all world leaders have more sex!" ... Tiger Woods was at the top of the world until he was made to conform, feel guilty, and rehabilitate himself. Rael, leader of the International Raelian Movement, sent Tiger an open letter that urged him to stop making his life a model of guilt, sadness and conformism.

4. Higgs Boson and superstition

You know those subatomic particles scientists are looking for? Apparently we should stop looking because our alien overlords told us that there are little tiny universes in each of those particles, and it'd be pretty mean of us to go smashing them together.


Super colliders should not be used as they cause damage and galactic cataclysms in infinitely small universes -- destroying many lives.

The Elohim, as guardians of peace, non violence and harmony at all levels of infinity, ask human beings to not use any technology that creates huge cataclysms in infinitely small universes. It is not good as it annihilates huge numbers of civilizations and can also affect the balance of our own universe. Science is good and should be unlimited as long as it fuses elements, but never used when it breaks or cracks infinitely small particles.

3. Father Christmas banned at children's center after Muslim family complained

This starts out looking like some Muslim-bashing, but it's actually much more hilarious (and less offensive).

Father Christmas has been banned from visiting a children's nursery in Minnesota after a Muslim family complained. The Head Start Program in Minnesota stopped Father Christmas from delivering presents to children, so that one Somali family would not be offended.

Rael commented : " This is an excellent move! Santa Claus should be banned everywhere as it teaches children to become liars"

2. Noah's ark was actually a spaceship

In this passage from his book, Intelligent Design: Message from the Designers, Rael explains what the Bible really means in that whole part about the flood.

The government then decided from their distant planet to destroy all life on Earth by sending nuclear missiles. However when the exiled creators were informed of the project they asked Noah to build a spaceship, which would orbit the Earth during the cataclysm containing a pair of each species that was to be preserved.

1. Rael is not only a prophet but kick-ass at video games

That's all I needed to know. Sign me up!

Today, Rael is retired from professional racing, but still enjoys playing racing simulation games online in his spare time, especially Live for Speed where he races under the nick name of rael01 and is one of the best of the world players.

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Dean Schaffer


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