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Monday, December 19, 2011

The Bad Sex Jokes of 2 Broke Girls

Posted By on Mon, Dec 19, 2011 at 8:00 AM

click to enlarge Han (Matthew Moy, left) and Oleg (Jonathan Kite, second from left) talk to Max (Kat Dennings, left to right in booth), Earl (Garrett Morris) and Caroline (Beth Behrs). - DARREN MICHAELS/WARNER BROS.
  • Darren Michaels/Warner Bros.
  • Han (Matthew Moy, left) and Oleg (Jonathan Kite, second from left) talk to Max (Kat Dennings, left to right in booth), Earl (Garrett Morris) and Caroline (Beth Behrs).

The surprising CBS hit (surprising because it sucks) 2 Broke Girls has a lot of sex jokes. The show makes fun of Brooklyn hipsters and rich people and is ultimately about cupcakes. It was filmed in 1982.

Players:

Max (hipster who makes cupcakes; thinks she's not a hipster.)

Caroline (Max's coltish roommate; might also be Nicky Hilton.)

Earl (elderly black DJ/cashier from What's Happening! community center; under contract for seven one-liners through 2012.)

Oleg (greasy cook fluent in sexytime jokes; formerly of Mel's Diner.)

Han (Korean restaurant owner; facilitates show's racism.)

Episode 12: "And the Pop-Up Sale"

"The big spenders at table two want to split their $11 check three ways, even though one person did all the eating."

"I was in a three-way once. Same thing happened."

(BOOM. Earl. Sick.)

"There's only one tool that can change my 'tude, and I'm going to need two double A batteries and a 20-minute break."

(My cat just looked at me.)

COMMERCIAL

click to enlarge Matthew Moy (from left to right), Jonathan Kite, Kat Dennings, Beth Behrs, and Garrett Morris (seated) talk to director Fred Savage. - DARREN MICHAELS/WARNER BROS.
  • Darren Michaels/Warner Bros.
  • Matthew Moy (from left to right), Jonathan Kite, Kat Dennings, Beth Behrs, and Garrett Morris (seated) talk to director Fred Savage.

"I'd like to ride the blonde waitress like a Tilt-A-Whirl."

(Caroline, not Max. If it was Max it would be Teacups. They would do this.)

"Maybe I will send you a Twit Pic of my meatloaf."

(Oleg is referring to PENIS.)

"I was working here when you were just a dumpling on your father's chopstick."

(Oleg is referring to EJACULATE and PENIS.)

COMMERCIAL

(No sex jokes this segment. Make up your own!)

COMMERCIAL

"Let's see, which ring to sell. So much history in my lap."

"I don't even want to tell you about the history in my lap."

(THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! No? Fine, whatever.)

"I am surprised you are upset by man smell. Most women like you enjoy it."

(Oleg says this to Han, a man. Hurtful.)

"Every woman knows that size doesn't matter."

(Caroline also says this to Han. STOP MESSING WITH HAN.)

"I like your shirt. Reminds me of the side of the van I lost my virginity in."

(GO MAX! Could be joke of the episode, except when the old man, Earl, referred to oral sex as "eating" earlier and your mother shed a tear for America. Sick, Earl.)

"I am like David Blaine with zippers."

(Oleg is on fire today. Oh, he's not?)

"Look, Jeffery, I know we just met, but there's no way you're a top."

(BECAUSE JEFFERY IS EFFEMINATE. Three cheers for this fucking show.)

2 Broke Girls had 12.7 million viewers this week.

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Michael Leaverton

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