Etsy is one-stop shopping at its weirdest. If your wish list includes trolls made out of Play-Doh, shabby-chic furniture, beads, caramel corn, custom-sewn underwear, vegan lip balm, and a wedding dress, Etsy has you covered. The website allows anyone to upload their handiwork and offer it for sale, producing such a vast range of products that it's easy to get overwhelmed. Lucky for you, we've completed a highly (which is to say sort of) scientific study of Bay Area-based Etsy shops, and are now ready to present you with their craftiest creations, ranked from slightly bizarre to completely buyable.
Lace and Sparrow
This is one of those peculiar items that could exist only on Etsy. In case it isn't immediately apparent, it's an embroidery pattern of Martha Stewart's face, surrounded by Venus flytraps. The artist's own description says it all:
Martha Martha Martha. There is no one else like her. She's at once a sweetly crafty homemaker ideal and ruthless, cutthroat mastermind of a global empire. I read somewhere that she also raises carnivorous plants, and now in my mind she has a garden of ginormous flesh-hungry plants that put Seymour and Audrey II to shame. The woman can do anything and look both fantastic and secretly evil at the same time. Amazing!
If Martha Stewart isn't your flavor, Lace and Sparrow also sells a pattern for Tim Gunn's face. He's not surrounded by carnivorous plants, though, so whatever.
Alchemilla is stuffed with intricate jewelry and prints. Some items are pretty while some are pretty weird, but they're all intriguing. Should you have a taste for the ornate and macabre, help yourself to a menstrual or apocalypse calendar.
If you've ever seen a burlesque performance and gone away wondering where on Earth tasseled pasties come from, now you have an answer. (You're welcome.) Delilah Burlesque is a treasure chest of all the bits and pieces you'd need to perform your own burlesque routine. Even if splashing around in a giant martini glass isn't your thing, the fascinators alone make this shop worth a peek.