Get SF Weekly Newsletters

Friday, April 25, 2014

Hell's Kitchen, Fifteen Idiots Compete: Sad Pizzas

Posted By on Fri, Apr 25, 2014 at 9:50 AM

click to enlarge Gordon Ramsay - WIKIPEDIA
  • Wikipedia
  • Gordon Ramsay

I just realized that Hell's Kitchen is a lot like Game of Thrones. For one thing, I can't keep up with the characters. From week to week, I don't know anyone's name and instead refer to each as "Fat fingers," "Goombah," "Twerkette," and "Dyre Cougar." Gordon Ramsay helps things along by calling whoever is the biggest idiot of the week a "donkey." That's what he gets for casting 14 Hodors.

The women finally lost a challenge, which meant that the men got to go to the generic luxury hotel in L.A. and ogle a yoga instructor while she attempted to bend their chi and sculpt their chakras. It was actually quite gross how they all stared at her crotch; it's like they are at San Quentin and this is the first woman they have been near in months.

This week they made gourmet pizza and Wolfgang Puck showed up. He's a bit of a joke, really; anytime you hear about someone going to a celebrity chef's restaurant, his is always the one that gets the lowest reviews. I believe he also has a frozen pizza line that is equally as disappointing. Nevertheless, he was there to judge the creations of these guys. Being in the Bay Area, if someone says "gourmet pizza," even the worst cooks among us can come up with an interesting idea for toppings. Not these schmucks... prosciutto and arugula was about as wild as they got.

When it came to dinner service, they had screwed up so many pizzas and threw them out that they ran out of dough and had to apologize to the patrons. Ramsay fished all the tossed pizza out of the trash (well, actually he had a minion do that) and lined it all up on two huge tables.

I've often gaped at how much food they waste on this show. Just once he should take them to a soup kitchen or food pantry where they can see starving families. I wonder if it would make them have more respect for the ingredients they continually mangle beyond recognition.

I would be remiss if I didn't point out that Gordon is not as apoplectic as usual this season. His veins haven't popped out of his neck, he hasn't thrown a lot of stuff, and the F-bombs aren't falling like Dresden. He seems resigned when he boots someone, a quiet sigh of defeat as he moves ever closer to being stuck with The Biggest Loser. This week he told Carrion Lannister that his time was up, right before he plunged a sword deep into his bowels and then threw him to the White Trash Walkers.

For events in San Francisco this week and beyond, check out our calendar section. Follow us on Twitter at @ExhibitionistSF

  • Pin It

About The Author

Katy St. Clair

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Popular Stories

  1. Most Popular Stories
  2. Stories You Missed

Like us on Facebook

Slideshows

  • 24th Annual Autumn Moon Festival
    Crowds gathered September 6-7 for the 24th Annual Autumn Moon Festival in Chinatown. Visitors enjoyed arts, crafts, cultural exhibits, food and a dog fashion show. Photographs by Dhoryan Rizo.
  • Felton: Touring the Redwoods
    Blue skies meet redwood canopies in the mountain town of Felton, located just north of Santa Cruz on Highway 9. Once a bustling logging community, the town is now a mix of mellow locals and serene wilderness. Visitors can enjoy the redwoods in nearby Henry Cowell Redwoods State Park and splash in swimming holes in the San Lorenzo River. For a bite to eat stop by Rocky’s Cafe for fruit-laden pancakes, barbeque at the Cowboy Bar & Grill and poolside burgers at the Trout Farm Inn. Other stops worth checking out include Roaring Camp Railroads, the Mount Hermon zip line tour, and the educational Bigfoot Discovery Museum. For beer or cocktails a log cabin bar has you covered.