tends to lean towards cats
— the acknowledged legislators of the internet. But no amount of feline reverence should stop every human from pausing his or her day to consider the fact that Wienerschnitzel, the faux-German commercial hotdog franchise, pits dachshunds against each other in an annual series of events called the Wienerschnitzel Wiener Nationals, or the WWN, if you are a fast running dog or a cool web blogger who likes to use acronyms.
The winner (or weiner) of this year's 19th annual Bay Area regional competition, Wally, was crowned "Top Dog" last Saturday and will continue on to the San Diego Holiday Bowl Grand Finale in December.
The official rules of the Wienerschnitzel Wiener Races
stipulates that "only genuine, low-to-the-ground Dachshunds (Real Wiener Dogs) will be allowed to race" and sternly adds, "we reserve the right to determine which dogs are wieners, and which dogs are not."
And let it be so in life as in art. The race is as much about keeping the dog on the course and not wandering off, peeing, or exhibiting "behavior deemed inappropriate" as it is about speed. While it is unclear how watching tiny, hairy creatures gambol along a track might encourage one to eat the stuffed casing stuffed with meat and fat that is their namesake, dogs and their owners (Can you own a champion? Can you own the wind? Questions for another time.) are drawn into the competition by the $250 of prize money as much as the promise of eternal fame. In San Diego, Wally will compete against prize Wienerschnitzel Wiener winners from Albuquerque, Bakersfield, Corpus Christi, and San Diego, among others.
Good luck and godspeed, Wally.
When it comes to celebrating the perverse and unhinged joy pet owners often practice on their furry companions,