We're thinking that farmers with a sufficiently robust vocabulary of suitable bovine monikers probably have smaller herds ― and probably treat them better ― than the majority of massive milking operations with their mooing, ear-tagged masses. The actual naming surely can't hurt, but we're not sure it helps. We're also wondering if this idea is any better than some we've had quite casually over the past 300-something days. For example, one morning in June, we woke up with a horrible cough and decided to stay home and sip tom yum instead of go to work. That was a good idea. Back in March, we decided to order the fregula with fresh ricotta and cured tuna heart at La Ciccia. Another winner.
All the same, regardless of naming's effect on the productivity of cow herds, we'd still rather drink milk that dripped from a Tulip, Peppermint, or Buttercup than #1605043. Or #1605044. Or #1605045.