Hold It Against Me, Britney Spears: A Brief History of Terrible Pickup Lines in Song

Today marks the release of Britney Spears' surprisingly great new album Femme Fatale, whose lyrics — you may have noticed in single “Hold It Against Me” — feature a wealth of corny come-ons and played-out playerisms. Do these work for Britney Spears? Do they work on Britney Spears? And more importantly, how much worse are these than cheesy pick-up lines from, say, the '80s — or those in country music? We decided to find out in this quick tour of some of the worst leers ever committed to song:

Nick Lowe – “Switchboard Susan” (1979)

Insert wink face: “When I'm with you girl/ I get an extension/ And I don't mean Alexander Graham Bell's invention”

Why, God, why: In Lowe's defense, it was actually Mickey Jupp who wrote “Switchboard Susan.” But in creating his carnally bonkers masterpiece, it was Lowe who had the bad taste to stick that phoner-boner between his own paeans to a “pair of tits that just won't quit.” Luckily, the song is a perfect fit for Lowe's dirty sense of humor. But still.

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