Top 5 Music Turkeys of 2007: Britney Spears, Amy Winehouse …

(“Oh, balls, my wee nip fell out again.”)

Who sucked the most giblets this year? Rehab queen Winehouse? Huge piece of shit Bono? SF Weekly settles it once and for all.

By Michael Alan Goldberg

5) Britney Spears – This one’s obvious and way too easy, but Brit’s had a spectacularly bad year, so I’ll get it out of the way first. The head-shaving, the booze-and-drugs-gobbling, battling Federline in court and an automobile with an umbrella, the allegedly bad parenting, the rehab stints, the stunningly lackadaisical VMA performance, the laughably awful, “naughty” video for “Gimme More,” and, finally, the indignity of having a number-one album snatched away at the last minute when Billboard decided to change the rules and allow that horrendous new disc by the Eagles, which is only being sold at Wal-Mart, to claim the top spot. Perhaps only Senator Larry Craig and that astronaut lady had worse years.

4) Clive Davis – So what if you’re the executive emeritus of the music industry – feuding with one of “your” biggest stars, Kelly Clarkson, because “Miss Independent” had the chutzpah to – gasp! – pen her own songs and take artistic control over her career, as opposed to bringing in the army of writers and producers and “hitmakers” you insisted upon, is simply bad form. Actually, it’s kinda douchebaggy. Just because Clarkson won American Idol doesn’t mean she has to be your pre-fab sprout her whole career. Go resurrect Carlos Santana for the 18th time, and leave her alone.

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