Categories: The Snitch

Bizarre Crimes of the Week: Two Umbrella Assaults and a Laptop Chase


San Francisco sees it’s fair share of crime — some serious, some less so. Here at SF Weekly, we’re paying attention to all of it — from the mundane to the bizarre. Here’s a roundup of some of the weirder situations that went down in our 49 square miles this week:

Laptop Chase
A 26-year-old man working on his laptop at a cafe on New Montgomery streets was robbed Wednesday afternoon by three teenagers. While he worked, one teen grabbed his laptop and tried to flee the scene. When the victim confronted the trio, he was punched while they tried to make their getaway. Not willing to lose his computer, the victim took chase, flagging down a police officer as he went. The officer took over, and managed to chase and subsequently arrest one of the suspects, returning the laptop to the victim.

Umbrella Assault In SoMa
On Tuesday morning, shortly after midnight, a man was attacked at Sixth and Minna streets by a woman wielding an umbrella. The suspect began screaming at the victim while he stood on the sidewalk, and then assaulted him with her rain parasol. The victim attempted to block the attack with his hands and was then stabbed by the suspect, who had pulled out a large knife. He was transported to the hospital with non-life -threatening injuries.

Umbrella Assault In The Mission
OK, bear with us, but there was a second umbrella assault that took place this week, despite only a little rain in the forecast. This one took place on Tuesday around noon, at 16th and Mission streets. Two men had an altercation, which ended with one hitting the other with his umbrella. The victim was also taken to the hospital with non-life-threatening injuries.

Quick Punch
A 53-year-old man exiting a business’s restroom in Lower Pac Heights Sunday evening got an unpleasant surprise. After accidentally bumping into a man, he was punched and fell to the ground. The suspect fled the scene but was later arrested. The victim was taken to the hospital.

Shots and Fire
Shortly after 10 p.m. on Sunday evening police officers responded to Ingalls and Wallace streets in the Bayview District, after their Shot Spotter was activated. Upon arriving at the scene, they found no suspects, but did discover a flaming vehicle. No suspects were arrested.

When Wet Floor Signs Attack
A customer of a business on the 100 block of Valencia Street got into an argument with two employees on Sunday evening, and things got ugly. One of the employees leaped over the counter, chasing the customer outside. A second employee followed, picking up a “Wet Floor” sign on the way, which they used to attack the victim, who then fled the scene in a car. No arrests were made.

Stolen Boy Toys
A 33-year-old man in the Mission had an unpleasant surprise on Saturday morning when he awoke to find the trunk of his car open in the garage. Everything inside had been stolen, including a bicycle, drone, guitars, camera, power saw, and backpacks. There were no signs of forced entry.

Drive-By Theft
Last Friday night a man skateboarding down Market Street between Eighth and Ninth streets was robbed by a car full of people. The suspects drove alongside the victim while he skated, grabbing the bags out of his hands, and subsequently knocking him down. The car fled the scene heading westbound, and the victim was taken to the hospital.

See anything crazy happen in our seven by seven city recently? We want to know about it! Send us a tip to nsawyer@sfweekly.com.

Nuala Sawyer

Nuala Sawyer is the News Editor at SF Weekly. You can reach her at (415)-359-2644 or nsawyer@sfweekly.com. Follow her on Twitter at @TheBestNuala.

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Nuala Sawyer
Tags: crime People are such jerks skateboarding wet floor signs

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