California Highway Patrol

CHP Aids Oakland Crime Surge

Speed Kills: More and More Über-Expensive Cars Being Reduced to Rubble

Mime Ballerina on Golden Gate Bridge

Engineers’ Roundup: Thousands of Scientists Descend Upon Cow Palace for Grueling Exam

So How Many Folks Are Nabbed for Yapping on Cell Phones While Driving? Your Guess is as Good as the SFPD's

Is it possible to be more irresponsible than texting your underaged mistress to score you some drugs while driving a Corvair with infants and kittens wandering in the backseat? While this sort of behavior might make the Examiner blotter, there's no way for the San Francisco Police Department to tabu ... More >>

CHP Urges Sobriety on Super Bowl Sunday (Smart) With Series of Strained Football Puns (Silly)

'I don't know, Ponch, you think all these football puns will convince people to avoid getting a DUI?'Broaching a serious subject via humorous means is often a dicey proposition. Play it too light and no one notices the wit; play it too heavy and you've trivialized your subject. Truly, it requires a ... More >>

Aisle Seat

'I don't know, Ponch, you think all these football puns will convince people to avoid getting a DUI?'Broaching a serious subject via humorous means is often a dicey proposition. Play it too light and no one notices the wit; play it too heavy and you've trivialized your subject. Truly, it requires a ... More >>

Does 'CHP' Stand for 'Can't Help Punning'?

Y'know Ponch, if Marshall McLuhan is right and 'The medium is the message' -- then any advice we give to high school kids probably won't be received warmlyPoor California Highway Patrol -- they just want us to drive safely, be considerate, and, would it kill us to occasionally compliment them on the ... More >>

Can't We All Just Roll Along?

There is a way bike riders and car drivers can more safely coexist, and help the environment.

Dancing Mime Gets Kicked Off the Golden Gate Bridge

There is a way bike riders and car drivers can more safely coexist, and help the environment.

A Bridge Too Far

The Chronicle's series of stories on Golden Gate suicides goes "radioactive."

Easy Parking

The parks to hit when San Francisco weather turns nice.

Dog Bites

Charged Atmosphere; Worst Deal of the Week

Cracker Morons Who Maim

Bicyclists vs. motorist cracker morons and their inbred Sacramento siblings

Following Fatal Pedestrian Incident, TV Helicopter Rattles San Franciscans Out of Their Homes

​San Franciscans residing near Alamo Square wandered into the streets at around 7:15 a.m. this morning to gauge why the hell a dark helicopter was ominously hovering over Fell and Broderick and emitting a deafening noise that resembled the world's largest "grogger." The folks craning their necks u ... More >>

CHP: Cops Did *Not* Run Over Woman Killed on Highway 280 Last Night

​A spokesman for the California Highway Patrol refuted television reports that claim a patrol car was among the several vehicles to strike a woman who wandered onto Highway 280 last night with deadly results. Officer Shawn Chase of the CHP flatly denied that officers were among the drivers who ran ... More >>

Update: CHP Now Says It Actually DID Run Over Pedestrian Killed on Highway 280

​Earlier today, California Highway Patrol spokesman Officer Shawn Chase denied television reports that a CHP patrol car was one of several vehicles to strike a woman killed after wandering onto the highway late last night. Chase moments ago called SF Weekly and said that, yes, the CHP did indeed r ... More >>

Wire Dangling On Bay Bridge -- But Don't Worry! It's Not Structural.

​Those of you who beat the system by enjoying a reverse commute to the East Bay may be have gotten a taste of what garden-variety commuters deal with. News reports abound of some manner of wire dangling within the Treasure Island tunnel on the bridge's lower deck. While earlier reports described t ... More >>

Note To the Egg Nog-Sloshed: Get Ready To Get Nailed By Holiday Sobriety Checkpoints

Not just Santa Claus is coming to town this holiday, folks. State, federal and city law via Flikr by McBLG97On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a DUI from the SFPD....​enforcement will be out in force for 17 days starting this weekend to nail your drunk ass if you get behind the ... More >>

State Ban On Texting While Biking Proposed; Will Fire Juggling Be Next?

Soon-to-be outlaw?​San Francisco Police Lieutenant Lyn Tomioka's response when we called her to talk about a proposed statewide ban on the use of mobile phones while bicycling was revealing: an amused chuckle.Ever circumspect in her public comments, department spokesperson Tomioka wouldn't comment ... More >>

Secret Service to Investigate Palin-Inspired Threats Against Leland Yee

Threats directed against state Sen. Leland Yee after he began asking questions about how much Sarah Palin is being paid to speak at California State University Stanislaus have been turned over to the California Highway Patrol and U.S. Secret Service for investigation, a state senate security officia ... More >>

Workplace Letter: 'Girl, Your Boobs Are Looking Spectacular These Days'

RenoirThere are just some things you're not supposed to talk to your female co-workers about. For nearly four years. Against their will. ​An office worker who liked big boobs and he could not lie -- and the government department that allegedly allowed him to explicitly inform a female colleague of ... More >>

Nightmare Scenario As Taxi Brakes Fail, Passenger Dies in Fiery Crash

www.ktvu.comOne dead in fiery crash​A female taxi passenger is dead after the brakes on her cab failed and the vehicle slammed into a concrete highway support at 40 miles per hour this morning, according to the California Highway Patrol (our friends at SFist had the scoop as well as some pictures ... More >>

Illegal Immigrant Threatens To Jump Off the Golden Gate Bridge

​Thousands of supporters on Facebook have signed up to deter a person claiming on the internet to be an illegal immigrant planning to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge, writing "I am not wanted here."The PostSecret blog posts confessions people have sent in ranging from having hairy toes, to being a ... More >>

Cops Promise To Be Scourge of July 4 Weekend Drunk Drivers

V for sobriety. Wait a minute...​With aggressive language bordering on Winston Churchill's grim 1940 exhortation that his countrymen "defend our island whatever the cost may be," local law enforcement officials promised a "saturation" to root out every last drunken sod who sees fit to slip behind ... More >>

Commuters Slowing, Stopping on Freeway to Foil Bay Bridge 'Congestion Pricing'

​On Day One of local bridge's foray into "congestion pricing," reports are emanating from the Bay Bridge toll plaza that local drivers are not buying in -- literally. Motorists have been spotted idling, driving excessively slowly, and even stopping in the emergency lane to avoid paying a $6 toll a ... More >>

No Tickets Given to Drivers Who Stopped, Dawdled to Beat Bay Bridge 'Congestion Pricing'

​On day one of the Bay Bridge's bold foray into using the term "congestion pricing" to vacuum extra dollars out of drivers' pockets, some motorists weren't willing to play along. Drivers were yesterday spotted dawdling, weaving in and out of lanes, and even pulling over on the side of the highway ... More >>

Byron Williams, Alleged I-580 Shooter: Poster Boy For Flaws With Three-Strikes Law?

Did Byron Williams pending third strike influence his decision to allegedly trigger a massive gunfight?​Alleged I-580 shooter Byron Williams is a man seemingly torn from a bad 1980s movie. We may never know what was going through the mind of a person accused of stealing mom's guns, donning a suit ... More >>

Cell Phone Crackdown Today: Hang Up, Drivers

Would you believe this is no less idiotic than talking on a bluetooth while driving?​If you've got a shoe-sized mobile phone like good o'l Gordon Gekko here, you couldn't find a worse time to flaunt it while driving. The California Highway Patrol is engaging in a cell phone crackdown today. If his ... More >>

Video of Kathleen Gomez Collier, Woman Who Drove Into River, Reveals Puzzling Demise

Authorities are unsure what led Kathleen Gomez Collier to drive into the Sacramento River​Video of the last moments of Kathleen Gomez Collier -- the lost 47-year-old woman who drove into the Sacramento River while on the phone with her daughter  -- may produce more questions than answers, acc ... More >>

Helicopter Crashes on Highway 101

A Bell 47G-5 chopper like this smacked into Highway 101 this morning​First beer, then choppers. Odd items have plagued Bay Area highways in consecutive days (what's next? Frogs? Locusts?). A helicopter crashed onto Highway 101, almost exactly 24 hours after a beer truck overturned on Highway 17, d ... More >>

Beer Truck Driver Says He Crashed Intentionally

There are times when crashing a big rig is the only way to go​Expert says crashing beer-filled big rig may have been best choiceThe driver of a big rig carrying 3,000 gallons of beer, who doused morning traffic yesterday by flipping over on Highway 17, told California Highway Patrol officers that ... More >>

Box of Nails Reportedly Spilled on Highway 280

D'oh​A report of Dukes of Hazzard-like driving conditions made its way to SF Weekly this morning, with an account of a box of nails spilling onto I-280 near Hickey Boulevard. Cautious motoring is encouraged. Officer Shawn Chase of the California Highway Patrol, meanwhile, says reports of nails str ... More >>

Gunman Halts Westbound Bay Bridge Traffic

​All citybound traffic has been halted on the Bay Bridge's top deck since shortly after 7:10 a.m. due to a driver who has claimed to be toting a gun and explosives. The driver told police dispatchers he was armed, reports KTVU television. When police spotted the man at Treasure Island, they purpor ... More >>

Bay Bridge Gunman Currently at San Francisco CHP Office

Sky1RonTraffic was halted this morning when a gunman acted out on the Bay Bridge​The gun-toting driver who halted westbound traffic on the Bay Bridge this morning with bomb threats is currently in custody at the San Francisco CHP office. "Obviously, we have a few questions for him," said Californi ... More >>

DUI Checkpoints Coming Saturday

That's a trick question, by the way...​You can't say the San Francisco Police Department isn't giving drunken motorists a sporting chance. In announcing today's kickoff of a "17-day crackdown" on drunk drivers, it reveals exactly where the weekend's checkpoints will be. The SFPD and other local po ... More >>

No DUI Deaths in City Over Holidays, But Many DUI Arrests

​The saturation of cops busting drunk drivers in the city over the holidays this year has been rivaled only by the saturation of press releases we receive about their latest arrest totals. The good news today is this was the third consecutive year with no DUI-related fatalities in the city. San Fr ... More >>

Identity Thief Used Facebook to Steal Women's Nude Photos; Victims Claim 'Virtual Rape'

​A 23-year-old computer hacker in the Sacramento Valley burg of Citrus Heights has pleaded guilty to seven felony charges stemming from an ingenious scheme to hack into women's email accounts -- with the help of information available on Facebook -- and gain access to their nude photos.In a ploy th ... More >>

Godfather of street art Dan Witz hides his work in plain sight

​A 23-year-old computer hacker in the Sacramento Valley burg of Citrus Heights has pleaded guilty to seven felony charges stemming from an ingenious scheme to hack into women's email accounts -- with the help of information available on Facebook -- and gain access to their nude photos.In a ploy th ... More >>

Masterminds 2011: SF Weekly Recognizes Local Artists

​A 23-year-old computer hacker in the Sacramento Valley burg of Citrus Heights has pleaded guilty to seven felony charges stemming from an ingenious scheme to hack into women's email accounts -- with the help of information available on Facebook -- and gain access to their nude photos.In a ploy th ... More >>

Teen Jumps Off Golden Gate Bridge; Survives

One too many jumpers​A teen from Sonoma County jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge today during a school field trip, yet survived after falling nearly 250 feet. Media outlets are reporting that at about 11 a.m., the Windsor High School student jumped from the eastern sidewalk, just south of the Sou ... More >>

UC Education Rally Targets State Cuts, Then Cops

Much to be against​SF Weekly readers have grown accustomed to the all-consuming education cuts -- and the protests, or what some might call mayhem, that go along with them. But here is another layer to the budget cut story: Protesters who publicly railed against the state cuts and tuition hikes la ... More >>

The Fourth of July Weekend DUI Count Is in

Our founding fathers would be disappointed. ​We knew that even when warned about DUI checkpoints, there's a good chance some would party too hard over the Fourth of July weekend and then foolishly get behind the wheel.And now we have statistics to back this up: Police report that 30 drivers were a ... More >>

Cops Bust Drunk Man Driving in Carpool Lane with His Dog

​Trying to sneak into the carpool lane with a canine "passenger" might not seem like a good idea when you're sober. After a few beers, it's an even worse idea, but no longer necessarily looks that way.Exhibit A: The man who was busted by police during rush hour yesterday afternoon for driving his ... More >>

Early Morning Crash Creates 8-Mile Traffic Jam on Bay Bridge

This is what we imagine the morning commute to look like ​If you are commuting into San Francisco this morning, you might want to hop BART instead. According to the California Highway Patrol, a motorcycle crashed early this morning, creating an eight-mile traffic jam. The accident happened at abou ... More >>

Driver Crashes While "Fooling Around " with Girlfriend

.... And they will probably still blame the bad driving on the woman​Here's an unfortunate incident of being forced to kiss and tell.California Highway Patrol officers were called to the scene of a car accident on Highway 101 in the North Bay at about 11:45 p.m. Friday where a male driver crashed ... More >>

Roma Bhatia's Body Found on Side of Highway, Police Puzzled by Mysterious Death

What happened to Roma?​Police are trying to figure out what happened to a Bay Area mother whose body was found over the weekend on the side of Interstate 680 near San Ramon.  Authorities say 47-year-old Roma Bhatia's body went unnoticed on the busy freeway, where she was possibly hit by a car ... More >>

Homeless Man Distraught After CHP Shoots Service Dog

Knucklehead the dog "didn't have a mean bone in her body." But now she's gone. ​A homeless San Francisco man is struggling to go on after his beloved service dog died in a hail of gunfire fired by a California Highway Patrol officer. It's hard to say Steven Coffman, 42, is looking for answers. He' ... More >>

Cops Crackdown on Holiday Drunks

Don't be stupid!​Your once-a-year holiday reprieve from sobriety checkpoints over Thanksgiving has come and gone. Starting tomorrow, cops will be swarming the Bay Area highways and local streets, looking for drunks and drugged out drivers on the road. It's part of a 17-day crackdown to deter those ... More >>

David Hanna Identified as Pedestrian Killed in Hit-And-Run

Be careful ​San Mateo County authorities identified 27-year-old David Zaki Hanna as the San Francisco man who was killed in a tragic hit-and-run accident Saturday morning. Police say Hanna's Toyota Camry hit a soundwall on the right shoulder of the highway at about 4:30 a.m. Saturday. When he got ... More >>