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Subject: Joe Eskenazi
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June 22, 2007R2D2 -- It IS You!
June 29, 2007S.F. Signs of the Apocalypse
October 18, 2007S.F. Signs of the Apocalypse...Take Two
November 22, 2007Seen In San Francisco: A Clean, Well-Lit Place -- For Tacos
Joe EskenaziTacos that sparkleLeslie Nielsen -- you know who he is -- had an interesting observation about humor. He was a man famous for saying unfunny things in an unfunny way. And the result -- was funny. The same goes with signage. You can take two patently unfunny signs, juxtapose them together, and get fall-off-the-chair funny results. Here's my favorite. Also, this is the best one I've ever seen with my own eyes. So we couldn't help but be tickled by the above juxtaposition of a cleaner a
June 2, 2009Ten More Things Gavin Could’ve Done to Blow the Election
December 5, 2007Take a Hit on Some Office Products...With S.F. Signs of the Apocalypse (Last 'O the Year!)
December 31, 2007News & Booze Friday: Dirty Endorsements and an even Dirtier Ethics Commission Compete with Bitter Beer
September 19, 2008We Salute the Otters Among Us!
September 24, 2008News & Booze: Pre-Election Smackdown
November 2, 2008S.F. Artist Says Adios to 'Douche Bag' in Chief
This one really is worth a thousand words.Our thanks go out to San Francisco resident Laura Szewczyk for capturing the above expression of inauguration zeitgeist in Hayes Valley. (Szewczyk snapped the shot on her cell phone.) For an explanation of what may have driven this anonymous artist, click here.And check out SF Weekly online news editor Joe Eskenazi's examination of why we're really a nation of douchebags.
January 21, 2009Seen In San Francisco: Man With City's Smallest Bow Tie Quite Pleased With His Look
Joe EskenaziMeet Jim Lunney. The denizen of Church and Market "cleans up refuse in Golden Gate Park" for a living -- and "I'm very good at it." The hardest thing about wearing a bow tie so small you could swallow it, he says, is matching it to the rest of your ensemble. When asked what his sartorial statement was, he quoted West Side Story: "I feel pretty!"
June 5, 2009Advance Notice Regarding Homicide Catching On
Elmo gets it.Earlier today Joe Eskenazi encouraged transparency and openness from all of San Francisco's would-be killers. He was kidding and all, but later in the day, we noticed that at least one guy may have actually read our blog and followed Eskenazi's advice. That would be Gerardo Kelly, a 57-year-old who placed three phone calls to San Francisco police station to inform them of his murder plans. According to news reports, he told police he intended&nb
April 8, 2009SF Weekly Letters
January 28, 2009SF Weekly Letters
January 14, 2009SF Weekly Letters
December 3, 2008SF Weekly Letters
September 3, 2008Seen In San Francisco: Whips, Leather -- and a Mini?
Joe EskenaziDoes the Geico Gecko know?Our very own Matt Smith recently enraged those who engage in the self-described "BDSM lifestyle" for, among other transgressions, referring to film depictions of water-boarding and the application of car batteries to the genitalia as "torture porn." That wasn't an option for the above motorist; "I ♥ Torture Porn" won't fit on a license plate.
May 19, 2009Seen In San Francisco: Unlike Moses, Firefighters Extinguish Burning Bush
Joe EskenaziSan Francisco firefighters discover a light roasting flowers in a planter at the PUC buildingNew dimensions in mixed metaphors -- Shakespeare and the Old Testament (get ready): San Francisco Firefighters came to extinguish the burning bush, not to praise it. Very late on Friday, your humble narrator didn't realize there was something unusual about a mesquite barbecue odor permeating Downtown until a fire truck pulled up in front of the PUC Building on Van Ness and McAllister. A handf
May 4, 2009Seen in San Francisco: Copy Editors' Union Not Consulted On Labor T-Shirt
Joe EskenaziLook, all I'm saying is that if you wanted to hire a copy editor, now's the time to do it -- cheap. So, if you're printing a menu, posting a handbill, or like this gent at yesterday's building and construction trades San Francisco demonstration, donning a strike T-shirt, do yourself a favor: Hire a copy editor and have your shortcomings condescendingly foisted upon you in private, and not for all the world to see. The Copy Editors' (note apostrophe after the s) Local Branch poi
May 6, 2009Seen In San Francisco: Korean Language Apparently Mastered, Curriculum Left For Next Seeker of Knowledge
Joe EskenaziSearching for an Asian language to master? Like sifting through trash cans? Today's your lucky day!It turns out that those foraging through San Francisco can not only eat like green royalty, they can also become worldly, cultured, and impress the hell out of friends in Korean restaurants. A "Master Korean" language course billing itself as the very same one used to train foreign diplomats was left atop this 4th and King garbage receptacle, free to the first taker with a yen to learn
May 7, 2009Hurry! You Have T-Minus Three Hours To Get Your Dog-Eared Copies of Robert Ludlum, Tom Clancy (and Lots of Great Stuff).
Joe EskenaziGot lunch plans? Change 'em.Who are the patron saints of rummage book sales? So many to choose from -- but, then, there are so many saints. Leon Uris, James Michener, Tom Clancy, Tony Hillerman, Ed McBain, Robert Ludlum, Harold Robbins, the authors of Time-Life hardbacks (such as Reptiles, Patagonia, and Guns of the Old West) -- we could go on. Fittingly enough, the undisputed Jesus of this group is Dan Brown; there are always enough copies of The Da Vinci Code stacked up at second-h
May 20, 2009Pat on the Back: SF Weekly Cleans Up at Peninsula Press Club Awards
It's awards season yet again, and the SF Weekly took home a grand total of eleven at this weekend's ceremony for the Peninsula Press Club Greater Bay Area Journalism Awards. (All awards were granted in the Non-Daily Newspaper category.) Want to peruse our award winning stories? The whole list is below with links to the full pieces. Congrats to all our talented writers. They like us, they really like us! Joe Eskenazi, First Place Specialty Story (Consumerism), "Voodoo on the Vine"John Geluardi, F
June 8, 2009Seen In San Francisco: A Car That Makes Mini Look Maxi
Joe EskenaziThe vehicle that transported generations of Italians -- and offered them a site to sire generations of progeniesWe've seen this guy around town several times, but, thankfully, this time we had our camera. What manner of car is this that one could, seemingly, parallel park into an outhouse? It's a classic little Fiat 500 -- and you may see this vehicle's petite descendants puttering along the streets of San Francisco before long thanks to the Italian company's acquisition of Chrysler.
June 11, 2009SF Weekly's Joe Eskenazi on KQED's 'Forum' Program Tomorrow
Be sure to tune into "Forum" tomorrow morning (88.5 FM) at 9 a.m. and hear our very own Joe Eskenazi talk about his provocative feature on wacky -- and sometimes temperamental -- service animals, "Service With a Snarl." We're not sure who the other guests will be. We hope they are better-trained than some of the pets described in the piece -- a bipolar man's Chihuahua even bit Joe during an interview. So while no animals were harmed in the writing of this story, a reporter was. T
June 18, 2009Giants Can't Hit, But Copy Editor Scores a Home Run
Joe EskenaziNo arrests made by the grammar police todayA little while back we wrote about how baseball fans unfazed by donning the name and uniform number of a player recently cut off the team or unceremoniously packed off to Kansas City at the trade deadline can save a lot of money at the Giants' Dugout Store.So, being the kind of person who reads a menu from right to left, I was at the dugout store recently when I came across the above shirt. At first it struck me as an incredibly odd usage of
June 22, 2009Arrrrgh, Matey! Thar Be Photos of NorCal Pirate Fest Ahoy!
Joe EskenaziShiver me timbers! It be Mendozer hisself!Arrrgh, me mateys! Rum, sodomy, and the lash! Insert some other pirate cliche here (pieces of eight, keel-haul, MENDOOOOOOO-ZER!). This weekend marked the Northern California Pirate Festival in Vallejo -- a fitting locale; the city has faced its share of economic privations.As with any theme fest, you could sum it up as a celebration of inappropriate cleavage, faux drunkenness, terrible English accents, fried food on sticks, and generous usag
June 22, 2009SF Weekly Letters
June 24, 2009SF Weekly Letters
June 17, 2009Muni Station Ad Full of Indesipherable Tech Gibberish Makes Us Feel Old
Joe EskenaziThis ad made us realize we're too old to know what is being discussed here -- or to careThere comes a time in every person's life that you realize that you're no longer in the desired advertising demographic. During the Dark Ages, you figured this out by suddenly becoming dead; folks then didn't live so long. Now, however, it's less objectionable. It comes to you when you note that advertisements -- and overheard snippets of young 'n' fun folks' conversations -- don't make any goddam
July 6, 2009S.F. Merced Branch Library Rapidly Regressing Back to Nature
All Photos | Joe EskenaziThe Merced Branch Library returns to the jungle from whence it came...Only a month after closing its doors for a renovation and seismic upgrade, the Merced Branch library is looking eerily like the last building a mounted Charlton Heston would gallop by before being confronted with "his destiny" ("You Maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! God damn you all to hell!").Granted, the library is scheduled to reopen by the end of 2010 -- by which time a race of man-apes with t
July 7, 2009Ever Wondered What Mission Bay Looks Like From the Air, Spinning?
When the Giants County Fair set up shop in the parking lot across the street from the Weekly offices, we knew it was our journalistic duty to bring our readers of-the-moment coverage. That's why, despite my crippling fear of heights, loud noises, and flashing lights our Online News Editor, Joe Eskenazi, insisted I get the scoop. And by "get the scoop" he meant strap myself into a rickety looking contraption called "The Zipper" and shoot footage of the city hurtling past at several miles an hour
July 14, 2009Seen In San Francisco: Behind the Green (Okay, Silver) Door
Joe Eskenazi -- taken on Fell and FillmoreIt is said that when God closes a door, He opens a window. But what happens when he tears the hell out of your door? And what happens if you mention God to your claims adjuster after something like the above happens to you? Not good things, we can imagine. If you've ever wondered what's on the inside of your car door, well, your questions have all been answered. If you're curious about how the hell this happened -- we can't help you there.
July 29, 2009Seen In San Francisco: Clumsy Muni Patron Doesn't Stick Around to Cry Over Spilled Wine
Joe EskenaziPerhaps we have to thank the klutz responsible for the above scene at Church Street Station. After all, if he'd pulled his drop-the-merlot act on board an actual train it would have been that much worse -- but not just for the obvious reasons. Suppose a tourist had someone splatter mid-range red wine on his or her "Alcatraz Psycho Ward" T-shirt. Then this person would go home and talk (or worse, blog) about how, only in San Francisco, would someone have to worry about having vin r
August 4, 2009Gorgeous Aston Martin, Pontiac Collide, Wedge Tightly in Parking Garage Entrance. Fire Department, Cops, Paramedics, National Guard Come Running.
Joe EskenaziThe Aston Martin is James Bond's vehicle of choice. But nothing like this ever happened to 007. When a bevy of fire trucks, ambulances, and squad cars noisily descended upon the China Basin building moments ago, we thought Laura Ling and Euna Lee had come home on the Concorde and were visiting the old neighborhood. Nope. It turns out a pair of drivers had decided to re-enact Dale Earnhardt and Sterling Martin's fateful impact during the 2001 Daytona 500. Luckily, this collision oc
August 4, 2009Seen In San Francisco: City's Open Door Policy Gone Awry
Joe EskenaziInsert your own 'show them the door' joke hereIf there's anything that makes neighborhood residents feel secure in their own domiciles, it's the sight of a door someone has evidently kicked clean through propped up against a tree for all the world to see. The innards of this mortally wounded portal appear to be made of cardboard. Now there's a deterrent for any would-be intruder. And is that the exact model of door we have on our apartment? You bet it is!Longtime city residents wi
August 5, 2009Serendipity: At Almost Exact Moment Muni Safety Hearing Commences, Muni Crash Stops Up N-Line
Joe EskenaziA train's worth of Muni patrons take an impromptu summer stroll after a car and the N-Judah they were riding collidedIf Bevan "I'm Mad As Hell (at Muni) and I'm Not Gonna Take It Anymore" Dufty had a remote feed -- by God it would have played well in the peanut gallery. Right as the supervisor's much-publicized City Hall public hearing on Muni's recent smackups while delivering people and urine around the city was commencing this morning -- you guessed it. An N-Judah train and car
August 10, 2009Seen In San Francisco: Mascot for City's Tree-Inspired Football Team?
Joe EskenaziYesterday we reported that the city's entry in the fledgling United Football League will be named after the largest sedentary organisms in the world: The California Redwoods. It would seem that the city's trees, long neglected as source material for professional sports franchises, are taking the news well. Your humble narrator encountered the above arboreal superfan at Fillmore and Duboce. And while the Redwoods' first game isn't until October 8, it seems this fella has already go
August 12, 2009Seen In San Francisco: Childhood's End -- Trove of Nostalgia-Inducing Toys Left, Broken, on Street
Joe EskenaziThere's a well-worn old joke about a gorgeous young woman walking into an elderly man's hotel room, gasping, and exclaiming "I'm sorry, I'm in the wrong room." The old man laughs and assures her she's in the right room. "You're just 50 years too late." Your humble narrator was only 25 years or so late to this marvelous pile of junked toys, spotted on Church and 16th taking up space next to a trash can. Yes that is a G.I. Joe helicopter and a Robotech-like Transformer jet.
September 1, 2009Seen In San Francisco: Just In Case You Were Wondering, Here's What a Water Main Looks Like Before it Breaks
Joe EskenaziYou don't see that every dayAfter being traumatized by Trauma, the Lower Haight has been torn to shreds by the Water System Improvement Program. SF Weekly previously noted that this operation involved a pair of giant pipes sheathed in what looked suspiciously like mega-condoms. Today we stumbled across the above (almost literally; it looks like Coventry after The Blitz on Steiner and Haight). When we asked the crew reducing the street to rubble -- but, sadly, not operating h
October 2, 2009Seen In San Francisco: Cute Duckies -- Or Are They Swans? -- Grace S.F. 'No Parking' Sign
Joe EskenaziSay what, bird?One can sympathize with Clark Griswold's impulsive display of fisticuffs at the conclusion of Vacation. No one enjoys being told what to do by inanimate cartoon animals.That being said, we'll be less charitably inclined toward anyone who drop kicks these duckies (or are they swans?) informing drivers not to park on Fell Street. As the sign notes, no one has been permitted to park at this spot since late August, and no one will be until Nov. 1. So it boggles the mind
October 6, 2009Frankenstein's Van/Truck Rolls Through San Francisco -- Was This Once Kenny Rogers' Ride?
Joe EskenaziIt's a van...San Francisco is a city where an art car apparently designed by H.R. Giger can roll by and no one bothers to look away from Navy jet planes roaring between the skyscrapers. And yet, the vehicle pictured here threw us for a loop. From the front, as you can see, it's 100 percent van of the 1970s vintage favored by The A-Team, Scooby-Doo, and kidnappers. But from the back -- huh. It's a truck! Joe EskenaziNo, it's a truck...What the hell is going on here? What's more,
October 13, 2009Few Show For California Redwoods' Football Opener -- But Fans Still Manage to Have Fun (Legally and Illegally)
Jim HerdThere is grandeur in this view of life...Text by Joe Eskenazi. Gorgeous photos by Jim Herd. In the many months between when we first reported the inception of the San Francisco-based United Football League up to the moment we wandered into a largely abandoned AT&T Park for the Saturday night home debut of the California Redwoods, we never did figure out the league's "mission statement." The UFL, it reads, "was developed to fulfill the unmet needs of football fans in major markets
October 19, 2009Seen In San Francisco: Motorcycle Converted to Recycling Bin
Joe EskenaziMeals on wheels?Just in time for mandatory composting, an inadvertent green statement has been made by a tippler waddling past this stripped-down motorcycle. Instead of burning fossil fuels, now the bike is serving as a recycling container. And while the city likely won't be fining your ass for non-composting any time soon, riding this motorcycle would be no treat for your posterior either. It is currently sans its headlight, seat, and plenty of other parts those loose wires ought
October 21, 2009Revamped Harvey Milk Library Looks Like Hugh Hefner's Crash Pad
Joe EskenaziYep, it's the only working fireplace in the San Francisco library system. Sadly, hot toddies are not permitted.Make of this what you will: The Harvey Milk Memorial Library in Upper Market, which will reopen on Saturday after a 20-month retrofitting and renovation, looks as good as it possibly can. The wood paneling on the ceiling and abundant natural light combine to make the library's smallish interior look much larger than it really is. The children's section is utterly adorable
October 21, 2009Next Stop: Oz. There's No Place Like Muni, There's No Place Like Muni...
Joe EskenaziNo Toto, though... While riding tornadoes over the rainbow is the preferred route to Oz, it turns out the Muni train is ever so slightly more reliable. And, as we've documented numerous times in the past, they'll even take your little dog, too. Our eye-catching Dorothy Gale stepped on the train at Powell, followed the yellow-brick road only momentarily, and disembarked at Montgomery. We had time to ask her what was going on ("it's October!") but didn't catch her name. What a world
October 22, 2009Virginal Green Composting Bins Dot San Francisco
Joe Eskenazi'That new composting bin smell...'With yesterday being day one of San Francisco's mandatory composting era, the city was speckled with verdant, virginal green composting bins, all of which had that new composting bin smell. This is as clean as they will ever be; they will never be more camera-ready. Meanwhile, the filthy, bedraggled veteran green bins stood as stark reminders of what is to come for these new recruits. Ask not for whom the bell tolls, greenie. It tolls for thee. In
October 22, 2009Ain't No Party Like a Green Party
Joe EskenaziGreen Party state co-chair Barry Hermanson brought his own beer -- literallyMembers of San Francisco's Green Party refused to exude the blues last night in the farewell bash for the party headquarters they can no longer afford to keep, dousing the place in one last coating of spilled soda, beer, and plenty of top-notch hard stuff. State Party co-chair Barry Hermanson even wandered the room with large bottles of his home-brewed ale and a pocketful of sample cups he foisted upon one
October 28, 2009Seen In San Francisco: A Novel Way To Clean Up This City
Joe Eskenazi"I'm gonna clean up this city," was growing to be a hackneyed phrase even in the days when city residents were hop-scotching over mounds of horse shit as a matter of course. But cleaning and drying the city? That'd still be a fairly novel thing to do. Sighting appliances littering city streets is hardly noteworthy. Yet this washer-dryer combo was spotted in the counter-intuitive locale of Van Ness and Oak -- not exactly a residential hub, and a well-traversed thoroughfare where th
October 29, 2009Dogs In Halloween Costumes -- We Couldn't Help Ourselves
Joe EskenaziHarley the boxer was a purse Chihuahua for Halloween. "Can't you tell?" queried her blue boa bedecked owner.Really, honestly, we hadn't meant to publish a short, picture-heavy article featuring San Francisco dogs decked out in Halloween costumes. But when you begin passing one dog after another after another made up to look like a pumpkin, a shark, or J. Edgar Hoover (just kidding; every bulldog looks like J. Edgar Hoover), sooner or later you just surrender and whip out the camer
November 2, 2009
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