San Francisco 49ers

San Francisco Bay Area Will Host Super Bowl L in 2016

The Bay Area will host Superbowl L in 2016. The decision, voted on by NFL team owners today, was not much of a surprise. The league has been eager to reward franchises that build new stadiums-- the 49ers, whose $1.2 billion Santa Clara stadium will open in 2014, follow in the recent footsteps of the ... More >>

S.F. Officials Now Have An Excuse to Cancel 4/20 Fun, but Will They?

If you live in San Francisco, there are certain places in San Francisco you simply will not go. North Beach on a Saturday night, Candlestick Park when the 49ers are playing the Raiders, and now add to the list the eastern end of Golden Gate Park on 4/20. We've heard "horror" stories of the ravages ... More >>

America's Cup: A Novel Take on Vastly Scaled-Back Expectations

Most San Franciscans picking up the paper the day after the Super Bowl would be reading sad headlines about the 49ers' agonizing loss. That's bad. But, hypothetically, those headlines could have noted that the city had been spared an expensive and destructive post-win riot. That's ... good? This is ... More >>

Loser Pudding: Jell-O Celebrates 49ers' Loss

49ers Super Bowl Loss Turns Into Victory for Needy Families Across the Globe

Chin up football fans, the 49ers defeat isn't a total loss. We know your heartbroken that those pre-made Niners Super Bowl championship T-shirts and sweatshirts, bought by retailers in hopes that they could capitalize on a Super Bowl win, won't be on your backs. But they are going to families in n ... More >>

Letter to Baltimore: SF Weekly Loses a Bet

Super Bowl XLVII: 5 Things That Can Fuel a Good Venting Session for 49ers Fans

There are plenty of legitimate reasons the 49ers lost the Super Bowl. The 49ers couldn't stop the Ravens on 3rd down. The Ravens offensive line dominated the 49ers defensive line, which appeared helpless on every short yardage first down conversion. Donte Whitner was targeted and exposed as a marg ... More >>

Super Bowl Losers Offered Mediocre Desserts

It's a gray day in tattered titletown, as men and women in grungy Niners hats, jerseys, and -- we're guessing -- red-and-gold undergarments sloppily stagger home through the chilly fog. There are any number of ways to begin overcoming the chemical and emotional effects of yesterday's Super Bowl loss ... More >>

Drown Your 49ers-Related Sorrows in JELL-O Pudding Tomorrow

Ah, the misguided marketing efforts of major corporations -- like this rather stupid promotion from JELL-O for sad 49ers fans. "While San Francisco may not have won the trophy in tonight's big game, they will be getting a cup... of JELL-O pudding," begins the press release, which promises cups of f ... More >>

49ers Who Appear in "It Gets Better" Video Deny Making the Video for LGBT Youth

Looks like the 49ers' PR department might be clocking some overtime this week. After 49ers player Chris Culliver made his public apology for his grammatically-incorrect anti-gay remarks, his teammates Ahmad Brooks and Isaac Sopoaga took over the spotlight with their own dumbass remarks. Apparent ... More >>

How to Avoid Being a Drunken Hot Mess on Super Bowl Sunday

No matter how many liquor bottles Mayor Ed Lee empties in the toilet this week, there's not a chance in hell he's going to get all of San Francisco to stay sober on Super Bowl Sunday. So being the realistic cynics they are, San Francisco cops are preparing for the worst, and that'd be drunk driver ... More >>

In 49ers Win on Sunday, Colin Kaepernick Will Get Free Red Robin For Life

Awwww well this is kind of adorable. Apparently 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick is a professed fan of Red Robin, and the chain has taken out an ad in the Chronicle offering him free food for life if the 49ers win the Super Bowl on Sunday. Even better, Red Robins in the Bay Area will be offering 2 ... More >>

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Facebook Proves That Americans Want the 49ers to Win the Super Bowl

It's Super Bowl week -- a week that divides America like no time other than Presidential election week. There are the longtime 49ers fans and longtime Ravens fans. There are fans whose rooting interests are directly tied to which side of the betting line they put their money on. There are temporary ... More >>

Central Valley Orangutan Predicts 49ers Will Definitely Win the Super Bowl

When you think of the Central Valley, only negatives come to mind: Scott Peterson, insanely high foreclosure rates, and creepy teachers who move in with their students. But Siabu, the 49ers-loving orangutan at Fresno's Chaffee Zoo, has given the sweltering hot, Republican-loving region a decent na ... More >>

49ers v. Falcons: Do It For Garrison Hearst

Most of us remember the last time the 49ers played a playoff game in Atlanta. It was the game after "The Catch II," when Terrell Owens -- after dropping several passes all game -- held on to a Jeff Garcia laser that vaulted the Niners over the hated Green Bay Packers in January 1999. But that's n ... More >>

Top Ten 49ers-Related Rap Songs to Bump Before the Next Game

The past two years have seen an influx of rap songs dedicated to the San Francisco 49ers, a phenomenon that seems to grow along with the city's team pride. The tracks consist of a combination of remixes of popular songs and entirely original compositions, with most pointing out player names and litt ... More >>

Kaepernick Fever: The 49ers QB Had Vegas' Attention

Treesons Greetings

Football Stabbing, Dramatic Shooting Kept Cops Busy Yesterday

It was an active weekend for San Francisco for cops and criminals. Police made a few significant arrests, starting with a stabbing near Candlestick Park where the 49ers were playing the New York Giants on Sunday. According to police. the incident started at about 1:35 p.m. when two men approached a ... More >>

Odd Internet Fact: Cowboys.com Is About Gay Men, Not the Dallas Football Team

Type in 49ers.com into a URL browser, and the Internet takes you to the San Francisco 49ers' official website. Same story for raiders.com, as well as for many other teams, like the Bengals, Steelers, Seahawks, Patriots, Packers, Redskins, and more. But type in bears.com and the internet sends you t ... More >>

Fashion Police: 49ers Dress Candlestick's Undercover Cops

Who Was the Hooded Man Standing Behind Alex Smith During NBC's Post-Game Interview?

It was one of the greatest videobombs in Internet history. There he stood, bundled under a grey hoodie, inches behind Alex Smith and Michael Crabtree, solemnly nodding in agreement as the quarterback explained to NBC's Michele Tafoya that the 49ers need to take the season one game at a time, a natio ... More >>

SF Cops to Don 49ers Garb Looking for Unruly Fans at Sunday's Game

Here's a good reason football fans won't want to mess with San Francisco come Sunday: Undercover cops are planning to attend the 49ers game on Sunday between the Detroit Lyons, but they won't be watching the game. Officers will be decked out in either Niners red-and-gold attire or Lyons team colors, ... More >>

49ers Fan Heckles Charger Fans Who Happen To Be Cops

Updated 2:35 p.m. to show man's identity.Here's a cautionary tale for all prospective sporting agitators.One allegedly drunken San Francisco 49ers fan must have felt a surge of football-fueled hostility as he saw the group of San Diego Chargers fans stroll by in the Candlestick Park parking lot befo ... More >>

See's Candies Breaks World Record With Freakish 7,000-Pound Lollipop

Well, it's official. See's Candies broke the world record with its 7,003-pound chocolate-flavored lollipop it showcased a few weeks ago in San Francisco. You should know all the labor (and sugar) that went into this insane sucker. It took 14.5 hours to make. The process started at 4 a.m. and was com ... More >>

BOSF 2012: How to Smuggle Beer into a Stadium

49ers Not Bringing Gold Back to San Francisco

The 49ers' pending move to Santa Clara feels a bit like losing one's spouse to a rich, superficial cad. But the analogy breaks down quickly. Ideally, loving and intimate relationships between two people do not require a cost-benefit analysis as the ultimate arbiter of feasibility. Relationships betw ... More >>

Tim Tebow: Jesus Smiles Upon San Francisco By Sending Him Elsewhere

​More than a few sportswriters couldn't resist marital analogies during the 49ers abortive recent pursuit of Peyton Manning. And, hey -- it works. The team's for-better-or-for-worse union with Alex Smith finally experiences some of the "for better," vows are renewed -- and cue an aging but hormona ... More >>

Outmigration: Only District 6 Retains Its Black Population

Willie's World Redux: The Former Mayor Tells It Like It Is

49ers: Lucky or Good? Mathematician Weighs In

​San Francisco 49ers fans still in search or a silver lining, take heed: Rather than be blinded with science, embrace it! Matt Lane, an S.F. native and alumnus of University High, is now a doctoral student in mathematics at UCLA. On his Math Goes Pop! blog, he recently pondered whether the 49 ... More >>

Grass-Fed Sounds

Adieu, 49ers: San Francisco, Team to File for Divorce

For those with Kezar Stadium memories, losing the 49ers hurts. So does knowing the city can no longer afford the team.​Following that rarest of things -- a Super Bowl that came down to the final snap -- New England Patriots fans will be endlessly playing over the events in their minds. If only tha ... More >>

49ers Pissed Away Super Bowl Berth. Accept This, and Move On.

​It may stagger longtime 49ers fans to comprehend it, but children born the season the team last won a Super Bowl are now able to buy cigarettes, vote, and sleep with whomever they choose. And yet, it's a testament to the utter dominance of the Niners of yore that older fans still feel entitled wh ... More >>

49ers-Giants: The Biggest Games

It's hard to be nostalgic when you don't remember anything. It's also hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything. Vernon Davis, who made what is being dubbed "The Catch III," was several years shy of being born when Dwight Clark made "The Catch." But fans -- we remember. We remember every ... More >>

49ers Season Tickets Will Require $30K Fee

​The NFL is a hell of a business. Niners fans, paying an exorbitant amount for season tickets, will now be required to plink down tens of thousands of dollars in order to have the privilege of paying even more for tickets in the 49ers yet-to-be-constructed stadium.Fans sitting in the "club level" ... More >>

Ed Lee Calls Candlestick Blackout "National Embarrassment." Ain't That a Bit Harsh?

ESPN television broadcastIf John Madden were calling this clip, no doubt he'd say "Boom!" ​When Mayor Ed Lee told gathered throngs of media that the multiple power failures during Monday Night Football were a "national embarrassment," he used strong -- and curious -- language. San Francisco's infr ... More >>

49ers Blackout: Life Imitates Art

All things considered, a few more candlesticks would have helped out at Candlestick​If nothing else, yesterday's lights-out performance by the San Francisco 49ers' defense offered sportswriters the chance to make gratuitous puns. The hometown side folded, spindled, and mutilated the visiting Pitts ... More >>

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Howard Eskin Lucks Out -- There Is a San Francisco Back East!

Howard Eskin won't have to wander far from his fan base after all...​Yesterday we reported on one Howard Eskin, a Philadelphia "radio personality" who felt so strongly the Eagles would top the 49ers he swore to bike from Philly to San Francisco if the opposite came to pass. Naturally, it did; it's ... More >>

Howard Eskin, Cocky Sports Reporter, Pledges to Bike from Philly to San Francisco

​Howard Eskin, a Philly-based veteran Eagles reporter, used his token phrase "cold mortal lock" to describe the Eagles' prospects against the 49ers in Sunday's game.But his 60-year-old knees may be feeling their own "cold mortal lock" if he winds up following through with a promise he made on the ... More >>

Alex Smith: We've Still Got Him to Kick Around

Do the Vitamin Water people think this is going to help move the product? ​For San Francisco sports fans, the news that Carlos Beltran may soon be heading to town was tempered somewhat by the fact he could conceivably be rooming with Alex Smith. For parts of six maddening years, Smith has been the ... More >>

Candlestick Park Will Likely Sack the City for Millions

U-Visa: Illegal Immigrants Become Legal Residents Via Crime Victimization

49ers President Jed York Likes Mayor Ed Lee, But Is It Enough to Keep The Team in S.F.?

Some love to hate him​The stylistic differences between former Mayor Gavin Newsom and the current Mayor Ed Lee are too many to list here. Yet the one distinct deviation certainly worth noting is their relationship with 49ers president Jed York.Lee reportedly met with the 49ers president yesterday ... More >>

Jack Davis Birthday Bash: Sodomized With a Whiskey Bottle, Who Could Forget

When vodka doesn't do it for you... ​It's hard to believe that the Examiner today reports on the "repercussions" of the 1997 Jack Davis birthday bash without mentioning the most damning of all the party antics: A man being sodomized with a Jack Daniel's bottle.Or is it hard to believe? After all, ... More >>

Trent Baalke Is 49ers' GM. Quelle Surprise!

Huh. Didn't see that coming. ​Yesterday, the San Francisco 49ers concluded their comprehensive search for a new general manager without leaving the training facility. In-house favorite Trent Baalke was hired to fill the vacant position -- a move only slightly less predictable than the plotline of ... More >>

Who Is Jim Tomsula?

A long ascent to the top for the 49ers new coach...​It would be something of a given to note that Jim Tomsula, the San Francisco 49ers interim head coach, is not exactly a household name. A number of articles have seen fit to mention that his name is pronounced with the accent on the second syllab ... More >>

Christmas Sale: Save One Cent! (PIC)

Real savings! ​The 49ers have delivered fans a lump of coal this season. Believe us, we know. So, perhaps retailers need to give customers a bit of an extra incentive to buy Niners jerseys. And a downtown San Francisco store that shall remain nameless has done just that. Other establishments might ... More >>