Subject: Sports

• San Francisco High School Relishes Last Spin as Skateboarding Mecca

  Adam WeatherfordChris Pfanner attempts to conquer Raoul Wallenberg High's famed "Big Four" At first glance, San Francisco's Raoul Wallenberg High looks to be just another city school with peeling paint, tall fences, and randomly tagged walls. And yet, this is is one of the most hallowed and revered sites in the world of skateboarding. Just behind the Western Addition school is a broad, four-step stairway that measure six-feet-high and 18-feet-long. On Saturday, hundreds of people packed into the

  June 1, 2009

• Newsom's Cajoling on South Bay's 49ers Stadium Plan Comes Off As Desperate Hail Mary

  Hut, hut, hikeThese days are just packed for Mayor Gavin Newsom. He just introduced a city financial plan that's a dead cert to induce enough fevered statements about "balancing the budget on the backs of the poor" to make outsiders think the city's indigent population is working on a circus novelty act. Within a matter of days, he'll have the names of San Francisco's potential next police chief placed on his desk. And, tonight, Santa Clara's city council votes on greenlighting a $937 million st

  June 2, 2009

• Gridiron of Dreams: S.F. Man Spends Huge Chunk of Life Savings on Minor League Football Team -- and He's the Running Back

  Joe EskenaziQuarterback Dion Pickett, formerly of College of San Mateo, drops back to pass at a Bay Area Buccaneers practice in San Francisco's Hamilton SquareFrom a distance you could hear them laughing and shouting -- a bunch of kids playing football in the park. But with every step closer to Hamilton Square it becomes readily apparent that these are not kids. They're too big and too strong; wide receiver Chris King's biceps bulge as the pass from Dion Pickett hits him in the hands. They're to

  March 13, 2009

• You Don't Have to Be a Psychologist to Figure Out the Deeper Meanings of Giants' TV Ads

  Let's be honest, the Giants could use this guy, too. The San Francisco Giants' entire ad campaign used to boil down to "Come watch: We Got Barry." Now the overriding message is, "Come watch: Barry's gone." A quartet of new Giants ads have been playing on San Francisco screens, and the theme couldn't be clearer: These guys are young, fun, and just like you! Hey, they even take Muni! To wit: A man in a business suit running around the street is gunned down at "home" on a toss over all the park

  March 17, 2009

• Oakland A's Owner Announces Desire for Team to Play In San Jose -- But Can't Be Bothered to Go There

  It's home "crowds" like these, in a stadium with all the charm of botulism that spurred Oakland A's owner Lew Wolff to seek greener pasturesDo you know the way to San Jose? It's a good bet that more Americans know that snippet of the old song (written by Burt Bacharach and Hal David for Dionne Warwick, by the way) than actually do know the way to San Jose. It's also a good bet that Lew Wolff knows the way to San Jose -- the Oakland A's owner also co-owns the San Jose Earthquakes soccer team. And

  March 27, 2009

• San Francisco Does NOT Win 'Most Photo-Friendly City' Contest -- So We'll Denigrate the Poll (It's a Coping Mechanism)

  National Archives 111-SC box 692 329507Has our beauty deserted us? And without it -- what's left? This is not pee-wee soccer. There are winners and losers in life. In the immortal words of Reese Bobby, "If you ain't first, you're last." So, we're chagrined to announce that San Francisco has been named first loser by Popular Photography Magazine in its "Most Photo-Friendly City" contest (that'd be second place). Now San Francisco needn't win everything; perhaps it would have been better to not to

  April 3, 2009

• S.F. Impresario Claims Partner In Exhibiting Pro Basketball Games Ripped Him Off for $124K. NBA Action -- It's Faaaantastic!

  Basketball can be beautiful -- but not when your buddies are (allegedly) bilking you out of hundreds of thousands of dollarsIn a case that we will refrain from spicing up with any references to whistles for hard fouls, the Palace at Auburn Hills Melee, or any other NBA basketball arcana, a local man has filed suit in San Francisco superior court claiming his business partner owes him nearly $124,000 following their joint venture of putting on preseason NBA basketball games. San Franciscan Eric B

  April 6, 2009

• Help Save San Francisco Parks By Walking Your Ass Off

  A. MaleyNothin' beats a walk in the park...Yesterday we wrote about how advocates warn that the state's plan to shut the vast majority of the state's parks could lead to massive encampments, partying, vagrancy, arson, and, perhaps, the world's largest collection of empty beer cans in California's once-proud parks.  While the city has seen its share of park-related arguments regarding our own budget deficit -- and it's a fair guess the grass at McLaren Park will be allowed to grow a bit tall

  June 3, 2009

• AT&T Park Bustling Early on Opening Day

  Peter JamisonParking Lot of DreamsThe above photo was snapped at 8:18 a.m. this morning -- the San Francisco Giants' opening day. As you can see, the parking lots behind AT&T Park were filling up early. While the workaday world was still reading the newspaper (!) over its cereal or crowding into commuter trains, Giants employees, serious fans, and an industrious gaggle of scalpers were crowding the Embarcadero, waiting for the season to start. One of them was Jeff Little, a Stockton reside

  April 7, 2009

• Chronicle Reports Giants Offering No-Interest Loan to Ticket-Buyers -- Which Comes as Surprise to Giants

  You can get a lot at a Giants game -- but not free money. Sorry. Despite what you may have read elsewhere, the San Francisco Giants wish for you to buy your peanuts and crackerjack, like the song says -- they won't loan them to you. They won't loan you cash either. In an opening day story in the San Francisco Chronicle, longtime sports columnist Gwen Knapp ruminated about how baseball must take action to once again serve as the fan-accessible pastime of a hard-up nation (unwittingly opening the

  April 8, 2009

• Pigs in Zen

  April 8, 2009

• Potential Savior of South Bay Baseball May Be Politically Conflicted

  Tick, tick, tick...As we noted earlier this week, hope springs eternal on Opening Day -- but the Oakland A's tenure in the East Bay may not be nearly as perpetual. For those of you who were unaware that Oakland owner Lew Wolff and the South Bay -- a region that craves Major League sports franchises the fervency of Ratso Rizzo's desire to go to Florida -- have been playing footsie under the table, here's some other news: The American League has instituted the Designated Hitter Rule!For the first

  April 9, 2009

• Dancing on the Culture Bus' ashes

  April 22, 2009

• Giants Fans Aren't Panicking, But Slashed Ticket Prices Indicate Team Brass May Be

  The San Francisco Giants are a hell of a team. Only a few games into the nascent season and they've already got me feeling like a naive jackass for writing that "Hope Springs Eternal on Opening Day." Perhaps, with this team, hope really is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane. And yet, the best line to describe the team may emanate from the unlikely source of Dennis Green -- who hysterically bellowed "They are who we thought they were!" after a maddening Monday Night Football loss seve

  April 21, 2009

• Roto-Nerds of the World Rejoice as Fantasy Football Site Spikes NFL in Court

  Can you imagine paying licensing fees to use Alex Smith's stats?Aficionados of Pleistocene-era sports video games may remember how "Player No. 16" on the nameless San Francisco team with crimson uniforms was really good -- but the lack of licensing fees forbade any notion of the terms "Joe Montana," or "49ers."That won't happen anytime soon with fantasy football as a recent court ruling found CBS Interactive does not have to pay licensing agreements to the National Football League when it uses p

  May 1, 2009

• With a blunt and searching Iron Mike, Tyson delivers a surprisingly powerful blow

  May 6, 2009

• Rock the Bells Announces Bay Area Dates

  Rock the Bells 2007, San Francisco America's premier (and possibly only major) hip-hop touring festival, Rock the Bells, has announced the date and venue for the 2009 edition: August 9, at the Shoreline Auditorium in Mountain View. While ASD much prefers the parking lot of the stadium where the Giants play, we'll take our live hip-hop extravaganzas anywhere we can. Scheduled RtB performers this year include NAS & Damian Marley, The Roots, Common, Busta Rhymes, Big Boi, KRS-One, House of Pa

  June 8, 2009

• Baseball Savant Pablo Sandoval Is Must-See TV -- And That's What Giants Need

  Just prior to the season, we chatted with the impresario behind the Giants' latest round of TV ads. As we put it then, "The San Francisco Giants' entire ad campaign used to boil down to 'Come watch: We Got Barry.' Now the overriding message is, 'Come watch: Barry's gone.'" Needless to say, it hasn't worked out that way -- despite the team's effort to, in effect, ride Barry as far as he would take them and then, when he grew to be a liability, derive what energy it could by burning his corpse. No

  June 17, 2009

• Will Ghost of Atlee Hammaker (Who Isn't Dead Yet) Haunt Tim Lincecum?

  Redrum...redrum...redrum...As we wrote on opening day, San Francisco Giants fans have been all too well trained to listen for that other shoe to drop. A team that has never brought a championship trophy back to this city has subtly taught us that every joyous moment will be eventually ameliorated by great sadness; every scintillating win will eventually only serve to lead to someone else's hometown team piling up after the final World Series victory. Our tradition of searching for dark clouds wi

  July 14, 2009

• When it Comes to Trade Deadline Sluggers, Ryan Garko Is About as Big as the Giants Go

  Ryan Garko is not supernatural -- but, then, who is?​Moments after the San Francisco Giants obtained first baseman Ryan Garko in exchange for a Single-A pitcher 99 percent of the team's fans had never heard of, the Internet critiques came in two flavors: No. 1 -- Ryan Garko ain't all that. No. 2 -- The Giants will rue the day they parted company with young hurler Scott Barnes. Addressing No. 2 first, for all those who are lamenting solely because of Barnes' statistics in the low-level minor le

  July 29, 2009

• Side Out?

  August 5, 2009

• Progress: Internet News Delivery Accelerates -- From Speed of Snail to Speed of Sanchez

  News travels fast ... as fast as Freddy​The other day, we wrote about how our "Google alert" shot us an article reporting that San Francisco had adopted mandatory composting -- a mere five weeks after it happened. Considering the article ran in a Chico paper, and tabulating that the information had to travel there and back, we figured the speed of this article at 0.38 miles per hour (that's 346 miles in 38 days -- with no bathroom breaks). Well, we're glad to say that virtual technicians appea

  August 10, 2009

• Are You Ready For Some Football? The Team Is Named 'The California Redwoods.' Still Ready?

  Joe EskenaziUFL Commissioner Michael Huyghue smiles while California Redwoods owner Paul Pelosi shows off what is either a large Jolly Rancher candy or his team's road uniform​A superstitious person would have picked up bad, teal and lime green vibes at the just-concluded AT&T Park press conference announcing the name of San Francisco's team in the nascent United Football League. First, as he stepped up to the podium, league commissioner Michael Huyghue inadvertently knocked one of the dec

  August 11, 2009

• Tree-Huggers, Meet Your Redwoods! Fledgling San Francisco Football Team Signs 31 Guys ... You Likely Never Heard Of.

  Joe EskenaziWho is man enough to wear this jersey?​Jerry Seinfeld once noted that, due to rampant player turnover, sports fans are "basically rooting for clothing." If so, that's bad news for any would-be fans of the fledgling United Football League's California Redwoods (I christen them "Tree-Huggers"). As revealed last week, the team's first-year duds will be an unimaginative league template prominently featuring Jolly Rancher green and teal (they swear it's "light blue"). You will not buy t

  August 18, 2009

• Newsom! Dellums! Fantasy Football Draft! Not So Bad!

  Justin PageGavin Newsom's fantasy team went a little Niners heavy...​The draft for the Yahoo Mayoral Face-off is in the books and local boys Gavin Newsom and Ron Dellums have crafted rosters that resemble the mayors themselves -- flawed, but interesting. The Fantasy Football challenge pits 11 mayors -- and one Yahoo cubicle jockey -- in a contest to determine who will win $30,000 for a charity in his or her home city. Neither hometown mayor likely took the lead role in drafting his team; Newso

  August 20, 2009

• It's Time For the Giants to Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying

  Giants fans agree with Red all too well: 'Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.'​When you root for the San Francisco Giants you get the calls and you make the calls. After Game 6 in 2002, I called my longtime best friend -- who followed me into rooting for San Francisco even though we grew up in the East Bay -- and simply told him "I'm sorry I got you into this." After last night's 14-inning nightmare in Denver, my father made the call to me. He could not recall watching a wo

  August 25, 2009

• It's Your Friday Morning News Quiz!

  ¿Dónde está el jefe?​ Normally, a story about Gavin Newsom going to Mexico and "leaking" would be pretty vile. And, depending on your feelings about the mayor, both of these developments could be interpreted as very problematic ... but not in that way.In any event, it's Friday -- you made it. But were you paying attention? We'll see about that. 1. The Amalgamated Transit Union Local No. 1555 finally ratified a BART contract on Tuesday. After the vote was in, ATU President Jesse Hunt placed

  August 28, 2009

• Nate Davis Gets Nod as 49ers' No. 3 Quarterback. But, Once Again, Who Is Nate Davis?

  ​As we noted a little while ago, if San Francisco 49ers coach Mike Singletary was being literal-minded when he famously bellowed "I want winners!" then he's likely to be disappointed. A gambling Web site recently pegged the Niners' odds of winning the Super Bowl at 55-to-1; this means that Sigletary has about the same odds of reaching into a shuffled deck of cards (with jokers) and whipping out the ace of spades. Perhaps this has something to do with the 49ers' quarterback situation. Barring f

  September 2, 2009

• Baseball's Bizarre Cost-Benefit Economics Means Brad Penny Signing Has Already Paid Off For Giants

  Keith AllisonBoston castoff Brad Penny has already earned his keep with the Giants​Raise your right hand high over your head if you predicted that the San Francisco Giants' scrap-heap recovery project, Brad Penny, would come within three outs of throwing a shutout last night in a dominant debut vs. a very good Philadelphia team. You are all liars. How a pitcher who was getting regularly lit up in Boston like a San Francisco outhouse managed to immediately "revert to All-Star form" when pitchin

  September 3, 2009

• It's Your 49ers Season Opener Drinking Game!

  Wallowing in nostalgia -- the habit of 49ers fans everywhere...​The San Francisco 49ers' quest to stumble upwards toward mediocrity, reassert their once-proud tradition, and become something more than a gaggle of oversize, sweaty men wearing tight gold pants commences this weekend. Since beer goes with televised football as naturally as high-ankle sprains go with playing football, SF Weekly is happy to provide this handy drinking game for Sunday's contest at Arizona. As always, please behave i

  September 11, 2009

• Weekly Ink: S.F. Tribute

  Eva Dancel-Jensen​Vital Statistics: My name is Travis Jensen. I'm a 30-year-old writer, photographer, and skateboarder living in San Francisco's Miraloma Park district, a neighborhood that many locals refer to as "The Mountains." Ever taken the 36 Teresita? It's a rare bird.    Tattoo: I have a large, intricately detailed black and gray tattoo of the Ferry Building on the outside of my left forearm. The piece is complete with flocking seagulls and a sun with rays of light peekin

  September 14, 2009

• It's Your Raiders Season Opener Drinking Game -- And You Might Need It

  Nostalgia alert!​Tonight at 7:15, an Oakland Raiders team that has found ways to embarrass its home city in ways violent crime rates and a reputation for danger and lawlessness could not, host the San Diego Chargers in a Monday Night Football opener. The Chargers are a stacked team that some consider a Super Bowl contender. The Raiders -- well, you know about the coach allegedly beating an assistant silly while threatening to kill him, right? That was something of a pleasant diversion from the

  September 14, 2009

• 49ers 'Harleyman' To Lead Convoy To Team's Home Opener

  Tom TracyHave a cup of joe with 49ers 'Harleyman' Steve Mahoney before the game this Sunday​Barring a miracle, you will not get the chance to play on the field with the San Francisco 49ers. But if you wish to ride the roads with the team's Harley-mounted figurehead -- well, that could happen. Steve Mahoney, the San Francisco Department of Public Works steam-cleaner who will lead the 49ers out onto the field on his red-and-gold, Niners-themed Hog, will be revving it up at a home-opening celebra

  September 16, 2009

• Handful of Local, Familiar Names on United Football League Rosters

  Aaaah! My eyes! They burn! ​It was Billy Crystal's Fernando Lamas character who made a catchphrase out of "It is better to look good than to feel good. (of course you remember this character! He's the "You look mah-velous" guy.). Along similar lines, former Mexican National Team goalkeeper Jorge Campos -- who looked like this -- said "if you look good, you feel good. If you feel good, you play good." So, what to do when, at the starting point, you look bad? Because, sorry, the United Football

  September 17, 2009

• Denver Bastards Strike Back!

  ​Earlier today, we responded to a sudden and deliberate attack from the Colorado Rockies jockstrap-sniffers at our sister paper, the Denver Westword. While we acknowledge that our hometown San Francisco Giants are facing an uphill battle to make the postseason, we contend that the team's competition, the aforementioned Rockies, are about as desirable as spending one's birthday in the General Hospital waiting room ... with the city's Friends of Scabies club.Needless to say, the vicious wits at

  September 18, 2009

• It's Your Friday Morning News Quiz!

  ​Life, death, sports, and Froot Loops. That's what kind of a week it was in San Francisco. You know, if you have half as much fun taking this quiz as we had writing it -- then we had twice as much fun as you. On to the quiz: 1. Which of the following statements wasn't uttered by Officer Noel Schwab, as he arrested a mouthy San Francisco skateboarder in a now-infamous viral Web video? A. "Resist again, and I'm going to break your arm like a twig." B. "Now I'm gonna act like a fucking dick..."C.

  October 2, 2009

• Basebrawl: Denver Rapscallions Bid Adieu to San Francisco With Questionable Taste -- and Accuracy

  ​The other day, we noted that, once again, Giants fans will have the unenviable task of determining which other teams they detest least in the postseason. It's a difficult and unpleasant task akin to deciding which kidney you'd rather part with or which non-Alec Baldwin brother you'd want to sit next to on a trans-continental flight. It seems this notion is alien to Colorado Rockies fans, whose team came into existence back when Bill Clinton still had salt-and-pepper hair. They couldn't unders

  October 2, 2009

• Surely You Joust: Nude Olympics Return to Baker Beach

  Pinned you! And again! And again! And...​No, there won't be a torch-lighting -- someone's short hairs might get singed -- but all the Olympic sports you love are coming to Baker Beach sans those pesky jerseys, leotards, or other articles of apparel. George Davis -- former nudist mayoral candidate and "naked yoga guy" -- has organized the second annual Nude Beach Olympics, scheduled for  Saturday, Oct. 10 at noon. It's free and anyone who wants to drop by to ogle, or, perchance, outsprint

  October 5, 2009

• Candlestick Park Trample Victim Lawsuit Isn't First Involving S.F. Police Horse -- But It's the First In a Long Time

  ​We've written a little bit about Eugene Caldwell, the 78-year-old 49ers fan killed by a runaway police horse last year at Candlestick Park. According to court records, Caldwell's widow and grown children filed suit against a bevy of defendants on April 17; yesterday the Examiner ran a story in which they revealed they're angling for a payout in the millions.The notion of a spooked horse running wild through the streets of San Francisco would have seemed antiquated even the better part of a ce

  October 6, 2009

• It's Your Friday Morning News Quiz!

  Justin PageStay classy, San Francisco​Witness intimidation! Religious and sexual harassment! Bacteria-infested sandwiches! If that's the week it was, we're extra glad it's Friday. Also, time for a quiz: 1. Which of the following epithets did Assemblyman Tom Ammiano shout when Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger sauntered into a Democratic event in San Francisco's Fairmont Hotel? A. "I wish it was a tumor!" B. "Out, Nazi! Achtung! C. "Kiss my gay ass!" D. "Shit! He is back!" 2. Seven men -- and, later,

  October 9, 2009

• Philadelphia Phillies Do Giants Fans a Favor. When Will Giants Do the Same?

  ​The other day, your humble narrator had a sporting experience that flummoxed him. After Bay Area local Jimmy Rollins doubled home the tying and winning runs for the Philadelphia Phillies over the Los Angeles Dodgers with two outs in the ninth, a clatch of L.A. fans in the corner actually booed and jeered me for having the temerity to root against the Dodgers in a bar located in the heart of San Francisco. I was also razzed for "wearing a button-up." Evidently working for a living earned me de

  October 22, 2009

• Former 49er Craig Newsome Files Antitrust Lawsuit Against NCAA

  Courtesy of Harmann Studios and the Green Bay Packers. Used with permission. Craig Newsome celebrates the Green Bay Packers' victory in Super Bowl XXXI following the 1996-97 NFL season​Former Green Bay Packers and San Francisco 49ers defensive back Craig Newsome has joined the ranks of U.S. athletes suing the National Collegiate Athletic Association. Newsome and others allege that the organization's requirement that college athletes sign in-perpetuity agreements giving the NCAA's marketing arm

  October 23, 2009

• Pig Hunt

  October 28, 2009

• Has Any QB Who Stunk As Bad As Alex Smith Gone On To Success With Same Team?

  ​When the 49ers drafted Alex Smith with the No. 1 overall pick in 2005, I made a bet with anyone who would take my money: Aaron Rodgers would go on to have a better pro career than either Smith or Matt Leinart. Ostensibly the jury is still out -- but I'd say it's a pretty safe bet that at least a buck and a quarter and a six-pack are coming my way. That being said, during The Half That Saved Alex Smith's Career on Sunday, the announcer mentioned something that almost didn't register: Smith is

  October 28, 2009

• Philly Woman's Alleged Sex-For-World Series Tix Offer Recalls S.F. Incident Involving ... Bananas

  FacebookNormally it'll at least take NLCS tickets to earn a smooch like this, you lucky dog​Susan Finkelstein may soon have the most traversed Facebook page since the brief heyday of Ashley Alexandra Dupre. For those unfamiliar with the former, she's the 43-year-old, self-described "gorgeous tall buxom blonde" who insinuated on Craigslist she'd like tickets to root on her beloved Philadelphia Phillies in the World Series -- but didn't want to pay for them (not with money, at least). An underco

  October 30, 2009

• It's Your Friday Morning News Quiz!

  Happier times. Faster, too.​ Bridge! Bridge! More Bridge! Troubled bridge over water! Didja hear about the bridge? Sigh. Take a news quiz. 1. The city of San Francisco agreed to cough up $250,000 regarding a lawsuit stemming from a 2005 spill in which perhaps 54,000 gallons of what was leaked into the ground, sewers, and Bay?A. SewageB. PesticideC. ChlorineD. Gasoline2. A math professor told SF Weekly that the odds of the letters I F-U-C-K Y-O-U randomly appearing at the start of seven lines i

  October 30, 2009

• Once a joke, SFPD is actually solving murders these days

  November 4, 2009

• It's Your Friday Morning News Quiz!

  Need someone to help you figure out how many grams are in an ounce? Here's your ace.​Gavin! Timmy! Tyson Beckford! Grizzly Bear! Immunity to cereal! What a week. But were you paying attention? 1. Putting the bizarre cherry atop a surreal sundae, an expert witness gave what rationale for 21-year-old homeless man Kenneth Herron entering the San Francisco Zoo's Grizzly Bear Grotto? A. The defendant believed he was a spiritual cousin of the bears, and wished to free them from their metaphysical bo

  November 6, 2009

• Rate the Warriors' Latest Panic Trade

  Another lump of coal in the Warriors' stocking​Yesterday's unloading of malcontent guard Stephen Jackson was the latest installment of a longtime Golden State Warriors tradition: Sending talented and disgruntled stars out of town for mere cents on the dollar. But how bad was it compared to the team's historical ineptitude in the field of roster management? Here's our take. 2009: Stephen Jackson sent to Charlotte for Raja Bell (old) and Vlad Radmanovic (The Adam Keefe of the Balkans). For the W

  November 17, 2009

• Assessing Our Leaders' Turkey-Serving Skills

  This turkey was brought to you by...​These days, if you're a San Francisco politician, mover-and-shaker, or athlete, grayish-brown is the suit color of choice. That way you can match your apparel to the inevitable gravy stains incurred in the season's cavalcade of powerful-serving-the-destitute turkey lunches and dinners.Luckily for us, SF Weekly's advance scouting department has assessed the turkey-serving skills of myriad San Francisco figures:  The San Francisco 49ers: Mirroring the te

  November 25, 2009