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How the Labor Day Bay Bridge closure affects people in the Bay Area 

Wednesday, Sep 2 2009
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The Bay Bridge will be closed for repairs over the Labor Day weekend. How will this affect people in the Bay Area?

• It will make us all much more cynical about Labor Day.

• We'll use this special time to let the other members of our car pool know how much we hate them.

• For one weekend, San Franciscans will shop with their local drug dealers again.

• BART will experience significant delays, just to make bridge commuters feel at home.

• Treasure Island briefly becomes a nice place to live.

• Daly City feels all superior to Oakland because it don't need no stinking bridge.

• The Henderson family picnic is ruined. RUINED!

• Bridge-and-tunnelers suffer mass delusion and think they see visage of Emperor Norton on a piece of toast.

• Supervisor Chris Daly will have a good excuse not to leave Fairfield for one weekend.

• Locals returning from Burning Man have something else to complain about.

• San Francisco will secede from California. All hail Chairman Brugmann!

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Benjamin Wachs

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