Next Year's Wammies
1) Patsy Cline puts the "cunt" back in country within the first five minutes of the awards ceremony.
2) Mongoloid and Plan 9 arrive in full costume - Devo and Misfits outfits, respectively.
3) Gun & Doll Show arrives in a black stretch limo with a red carpet and flash-happy paparazzi in tow.
4) The heaven-sent DJ Pollywog appears with a couple cases of vinyl to spin throughout the night, just because.
5) Ian Brennan is our host.
6) Ralph Carney, Ted Savarese, and Kevin Mummey improvise on a jolly song about free beer and appetizers.
7) "Stinky's Peep Show" 's "large and lovely" go-go dancers, Kink and Liz, improvise as "large and lovely" trophy girls.
8) Presenters J-Boogie, Andrew Jervis, and Michael O'Connor keep it real.
9) Presenter Audra Angeli-Morse and members of Incredibly Strange Wrestling keep Live 105 DJ No Name on his knees.
10) Advertising Director Troy Larkin thanks our sponsors and genuinely cocks his fingers like little guns. The crowd loves it.
11) The balloon drop sets off a mad, drunken frenzy of stomping and popping.
12) Rock chick-about-town Storm shakes her groove thing to Viveñdo de Pão, leaving a row of fans drooling in the balcony.
13) Wilson Gil wears a shirt that matches his guitar.
14) In the fifth hour of the show, Undercover S.K.A. performs a rousing set that has everyone in the house skanking until they drop.
15) Out of a 12-page guest list, including no fewer than 200 musicians, the only trouble at the door is caused by an SF Weekly employee (note to self: move to other list).
16) After the show, no fewer than five people are found passed out in the upstairs balcony (names withheld).
Thanks to all the performers, presenters, and fans for another great year.
Congratulations to All Wammies '99 Winners!
Wilson Gil & Willful Sinners
Most Chill Slack Mob
Gun & Doll Show
The Phantom Surfers
Beyond (write-in category)