What's the difference between a butchy lesbian and Justin Bieber? One is a girl, while the other just looks like one.
In yet another affront to the Biebster's masculinity, the Bay Area radio station Movin' 99.7 held a females-only Biebster look-alike contest. Yesterday, they announced that S.F. resident Kaila was the popular choice among voters.
With all due respect to Kaila, while the resemblance is uncanny, anyone with a paddle brush, extrahold hairspray, and $1,000 to spare on laser teeth whitening can pass as America's favorite YouTube sensation.
His androgynous appearance has not gone unnoticed: A few weeks ago, "Cockblock" -- otherwise known as "San Francisco's Most Homolicious Dance Party" -- also featured a contest. Could the Biebster be both a heartthrob for America's starry-eyed young girls, and a celebrated icon for the genderbending queer community?
In case you're also interested in the oh-so-trendy Bieber style, we offer a few guidelines on how to look like Canada's biggest gangsta since Snow.
1. Cut your hair to your neckline in the back, and to chin length in the front. Wet and then blow-dry your coiffure all to the left, starting at the crown of your head and maintaining a persistently leftward effort. Take special care to cover your forehead and ears. Comb, then spray for a suggested 15 seconds.
2. Wear baggy jeans that make your legs look twice their actual size. When in public, hike your shoulders and straighten your arms, slipping the top of your hands casually in the front pockets to appear confident and masculine.
3. Wear a hoodie. Exclusively. You may even sleep in one.
4. Wear white-man bling. This generally includes mid-chest-length chains adorned with crucifix charms or doggy tags and ostentatious, bulky watches.
5. Wear Nikes that are a size too large. Always tuck your baggy jeans behind the shoe tongues.
6. Whenever possible, jerk your head in the direction that you've styled your hair. Do this as smoothly as possibly, and aim to top it off with a charming grin, especially if you are talking to a lady who is twice your age (which isn't even old!).
7. Don't wear a scarf. Even though he does. Don't.
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