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Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The Seven Weirdest Justin Bieber Products Money Can Buy

Posted By on Wed, Aug 18, 2010 at 3:15 PM

In case you ever find yourself pondering the existence of Justin Bieber (and, really, who among us hasn't at one time or another?) know this: like all the safe, cherubic crooners of his ilk who came before, he exists largely to sell the shit out of some shit with his face on it. Little girls love him -- and tired parents are happy to buy obsessed offspring a $5 Bieber trinket if it means getting out of Walmart with a minimum of whining.

But along with the pillows, t-shirts and pins, there's some truly questionable Bieber schwag out there. Here's some of the weirdest.

1. The Hand-Painted Bieber Shoe

click to enlarge Justin_Bieber_shoes.jpg
In case you ever wondered what Bieber would look like older, way pissed off, and trapped in a shoe -- wonder no more.

2. Personalized Portrait of You and Bieber Riding a Unicorn Together
click to enlarge justin_bieber_unicorn.jpg



This requires no further commentary.

3. The Mrs. Justin Bieber Thong Panty

click to enlarge Justin_Bieber_Thong.jpg


Any girl young enough to be into Bieber shouldn't be wearing thongs, and any woman old enough to wear a thong -- well, let's put it this way: We're already worried about what our friends will think (and whether they'll alert the authorities) if/when they see "Justin Beiber thong" in our search history.

4. The Justin Bieber Shower Curtain
click to enlarge justin_bieber__shower_curtain.jpg
Getting naked with a stoic looking Bieber is the new coffee.

5. A Greeting Card Depicting a Bieber-Dog Playing a Bone Guitar.
click to enlarge Justin_Bieber_Dog.jpg
We're reasonably sure this is animal abuse.

6. The Bieber Wig
click to enlarge Justin_Bieber_Wig_Costume_thumb_500x500.jpg
Ok, it's not even a Bieber wig. It's a Bruno wig that's being passed off as Bieber wig. And so begins the great Bieber/Sacha Baron Cohen Feud of Aught Ten.

7. The Bieber Birthday Cake
click to enlarge Justin_Bieber_cake.jpg
Because sometimes, when you love a boy very much, you want to eat a piece of his face.  

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Andy Wright

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