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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

How to Be a Tech Company for Halloween

Posted By on Wed, Oct 27, 2010 at 10:57 AM

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Forget the Zuckerberg mask -- be a whole damn tech company for Halloween. Here's how.

Apple

How to dress:

Wear all white with silver shoes. Limit your ports: No pockets, no fly. Your hair should be seamless.

 

How to scare people:

Jailbreak your pants.

 

The night's over when:

You call your dad and FaceTime your ass; you're holding a kitten in the iPhone death grip; you prematurely rushed your product to market, or rather your ejaculate to Margaret.

 

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Facebook

How to dress:

Wear blue. Put your thumb out. You don't look like a dork at all.

 

How to scare people:

Hold up vacation pictures and scream, "I love Sundays!" Literally bore people to terror. 

 

The night's over when:

You're collecting personal information from Cabana Boy Rum; you poked the wrong ass at the wrong time; you're playing Farmville in a litter box; you forgot to opt-out of vomiting in the candy bowl.

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Twitter

How to dress:

Wear anything revolutionary, like leg warmers.    

 

How to scare people:

Rescream everything you saw on Parker Spitzer.

 

The night's over when:

Someone just bought you; you haven't been talking to the real Danielle Staub at all; you've gone long-form with a party girl from Tumblr; you realize the girl you're following home is following someone else home who's following you home, and nobody will get off MUNI.    

 

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Google

How to dress:

Bedazzle "I'm feeling lucky" on the ass of a fat suit.

 

How to scare people:

Finish every conversation with an hour of porn.

 

The night's over when:

The car is driving itself; you just bought the Twitter geek; you're trying to digitize a book of matches; you're shitting money and holding the proof.

 

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About The Author

Michael Leaverton

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