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Monday, January 24, 2011

The Top 6 Most Annoying Teen Pop Stars -- Other Than Justin Bieber

Posted By on Mon, Jan 24, 2011 at 8:00 AM

Justin Bieber: Is there anything more annoying than his stupid helmet hair, saccharine songs, creepy affinity for hitting on older women and tiny, little, smooth, smug face? Not yet, no. But if Ashton Kutcher gets his way, there may well be. For PerezHilton.com has just reported that not only would Mr. Demi Moore like to bring back his now-infamous MTV show Punk'd, he would consider the boy Bieber an appropriate host ("He's sneaky. And I like sneaky people," said Kutcher, irritatingly). And while Punk'd plus Bieber would probably be the most annoying combination ever conceived by a human, Justin is, sadly, not the first of his kind. Here then, are the Top Six (other) Most Annoying Teen Pop Stars:

6. Tiffany, "I Think We're Alone Now"

The best way to get Americans to buy crap they don't need is to display it prominently at the mall. Which is how Tiffany got her start -- a process captured with startling, acid-wash clarity in the video for "I Think We're Alone Now." To be fair, the song's not entirely useless (especially for karaoke-related purposes), but Tiff's weird crazy chicken dance and self-satisfied facial expressions here make us quite irrationally angry.

5. Avril Lavigne "Sk8ter Boi"

And this was the moment that skateboarders the world over contemplated throwing their decks out of the nearest window and quitting the sport forever. Our annoyance starts with the stupid goddamn spelling of the song title, and ends with Lavigne's impromptu "concert" causing a girl to get trampled underfoot, then consequently arrested. Wow! That's almost as cool as Avril's awesome stick-on tattoos! And the way she smashes that windshield with the guitar! Man, we'd better get to the nearest Hot Topic so we can buy into this rebellion!

4. Hanson "Mmm Bop"

This song makes us feel like our parents, because every time we hear it, we spend the entire time shaking our heads and grumbling, "I can't understand a word that boy is singing. How can anyone listen to this?" Seriously. You try. What the hell is that hippie kid saying? People with mouths full of marbles have made more sense.

3. Jonas Brothers, "Burnin' Up"

Dear Jonas Brothers, it bothers us on a really deep level that you got David Carradine to be in your video. Especially for a song which includes the line "You go around like you know who I am, but you don't," because we highly suspect you had no idea who Carradine was until your management put him in this. We can't help but wonder if your purity rings started "burnin' up" when you found out about that whole (extremely tragic) auto-erotic asphyxiation thing. What would the church say?

2. Miley Cyrus, "Can't Be Tamed"

Miley Cyrus might be the most obnoxious and arrogant teen on the face of the planet. To prove it, here, child of Billy Ray is billed as the "greatest exhibit yet" and "the rarest creature on earth," before she announces that "every guy everywhere just gives me mad attention." Between that, the pole-dancing at last year's Teen Choice Awards, and giving that old dude a lap dance that one time, she makes us roll our eyes so hard, we look like zombies every time we see her.

1. Menudo, "Hold Me"

Decades before Bieber took Kim Kardashian's hand and went for a random paddle, Menudo were thrusting around hormonally, trying to impress the older ladies, too. That's why they always kept a boy in a yellow cropped-top and matching headband around -- an attempt to look more masculine. Sadly for the boys, all the effeminate sidekicks in the world couldn't make the dance routine at the end of this look even vaguely manly.

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