Get SF Weekly Newsletters

Thursday, January 27, 2011

5 Things To Spend Your Coachella Money On Now That It's Sold Out

Posted By on Thu, Jan 27, 2011 at 11:30 AM

click to enlarge Guess one man really shouldn't have all that power.
  • Guess one man really shouldn't have all that power.

If you're wondering why twenty-somethings all over the city are sulking and moping their way through today, it's because they hesitated to buy tickets for yearly Coachella music festival and yesterday it sold out, denying them an opportunity to see Kanye West and Arcade Fire for the millionth time.

Obviously you feel bad for this lot, who were just denied the opportunity to spend a small fortune, and you empathize with their First World problems. This is why I've prepared a helpful list of alternative options these sad masses could spend their Coachella loot on. Feel free to print/email/Facebook/handwrite this list to help cheer these depressed kids out.


click to enlarge Don't worry, you can't go now anyway.
  • Don't worry, you can't go now anyway.
1) If you put your Coachella money in a 401k now, you'll probably be able to retire in about five years. 

2) You could also start your own small nation somewhere in Eurasia or possibly Micronesia. However, you'd probably need some additional investments to sustain this one.

3) You can now afford all 3,929,493 of the Glee albums.

4) You can now repay your parents for the half-decade of post-collegiate rent they fronted you. Wait, who are you kidding? You're never repaying that.

5) You can afford record your debut masterpiece album, produced entirely by Quincy Jones, Timbaland, Kanye West, T-Bone Burnett, Van Dyke Parks, and who ever did Willow Smith's song "Whip My Hair."

----

Follow us on Twitter @SFAllShookDown, follow Adrian Covert @adilla, and like us at Facebook.com/SFAllShookDown.

  • Pin It

Tags: , ,

About The Author

Adrian Covert

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Popular Stories

  1. Most Popular Stories
  2. Stories You Missed

Like us on Facebook

Slideshows

  • Phish at the Bill Graham Auditorium
    Phish is in the midst of a block of sold out shows at the Bill Graham Civic Auditorium (October 27-29). The Monday night concert featured a rare first set opener of “Walfredo” with the band members switching instruments for the song. The evening’s highlights included John Fishman and his iconic vacuum cleaner solo and favorites such as Chalk Dust Torture, Slave to the Traffic Light, Axilla, Rift, 2001 Space Odyssey, and Maze. The show also featured Phish’s debut of a, seemingly impromptu, version of “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” to with roaring approval of the, singing along, crowd. With Game 6 being tonight, partying Phish fans will join Giants fans in Civic Center Plaza where there will be a World Series viewing party on a large screen set up by the City. Photography by Jamie Soja.
  • The 4th Annual Masquerotica 2014 - NSFW
    The theme this year was Carnaval Mystique for the 4th Annual Masquerotica at The Factory. Attendees were entertained by strip dance, trapeze, and live music. Photographs by Calibree Photography.