Fact: it is impossible to fight crazy. So what the hell are
the radio stations of Malaysia
thinking, going up against Lady Gaga? Apparently they've taken her new LGBT-empowerment
anthem, "Born This Way" and removed all the, uh, LGBT content. Way to miss the
whole point of the song, Malaysia!
Gaga is not impressed.
So, to honor her fight for free speech, here's our top six most ridiculous
examples of lyrical censorship. Take it away, heathens!
6. "Hollaback Girl," Gwen Stefani
We didn't know Gwen Stefani could get any more irritating
until this little gem of a song came out. Then, what would've ordinarily just
been a nonsensical track that grated on us in a regular sort of way became a
song that was positively excruciating. There are three-year-old children who
know full well that when Gwen holds her finger or hand up to her mouth in
this video, what she's really wanting to do is say "shit" -- and even they don't
care. Frankly, the aggravation of hearing the word cut off over and over again,
along with Stefani's stupid "oopsy" facial expressions here, is far, far worse than hearing the word "shit" 38 times.
5. "Tell Me Baby," Red Hot Chili Peppers
Anthony Kiedis has been babbling nonsensically for decades
now. No offense, but no one's been listening to the words since Californication, at the very latest. So why bother forcing them to change the
line "life can be a little shitty" to -- oh, dear God -- "life can be a little
kitty." Life can be a little kitty? It's like they want us to vomit all over
ourselves! And hate kittens!
4. "Lola," The Kinks
Now, this is the stuff of legend. Back in 1970, the UK's
revered -- if a little stuffy -- public service broadcaster, the BBC, had no beef with
The Kinks over the transvestite-related content of this song. They did,
however, take offense to the repeated mention of Coca-Cola, since no
commercials are permitted on BBC channels. So, instead, they had Ray Davies
sing "cherry cola" when "Lola" was performed on BBC TV. Usually when we say something was a genius move, we're
being sarcastic. But we're not being sarcastic when we say that that was a
genius move. Thanks for being so anal, BBC! "Cherry cola" is way better!
3. "Hip Hop Is Dead," Nas featuring Will.i.am
We've thought about this long and hard and we still can't
figure out why it was so butchered for airplay. Look up the lyrics,
hit play, and follow along. Are we missing some dark, evil hidden message here?
Even the word "crap" is taken out! We feel bad for Nas. (But not for Will.i.am
though, because frankly, we'd like to see everything he does silenced out into
oblivion. Man. Can't we just
censor The Black Eyed Peas out of existence altogether?)
2. "Gold Digger", Kanye West featuring Jamie Foxx
If a black man wants to use the N-word, he should be allowed
to use the N-word. Reclaiming offensive language takes away its power, don't
you know, and that's a valuable thing. Also, we just really shitting hate it
when a word gets changed and then a chorus that rhymed originally no longer
rhymes. More get more frustrated even than Kanye does when he tries to sleep on fur pillows (according to one of his Tweets, that's "hard").
1. "Picture To Burn," Taylor Swift
Oooh, hide your children! That Satanic harpey from hell, Taylor
Swift, is on the radio! Behold "Picture To Burn" -- a song that used to feature the
line "So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy/ That's fine,
I'll tell mine you're gay." It doesn't anymore, though, because someone with way
too much time on their hands stepped in before the song could reach major
stations and changed the last bit to "That's fine, you won't mind if I say." Phew! That was close. Because as we all know, acknowledging that homosexuality exists in any context whatsoever,
is the devil's work. We literally can't think of anyone more innocuous being censored.
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