In what sounds like a weak "Bed Intruder" rip-off, the once-extinct Creem magazine has announced its return to the world of the living: "Lock the doors, hide your children, we're back!"
This time, Creem's comeback is for real. Seriously.
In an open letter, publisher Robert Matheu harks back to the age of Led Zeppelin and MC5, declaring, "It wasn't rock 'n' roll for sissies then, and you can bet your ass it won't be now."
We're a little skeptical, we must admit -- Creem was once on the vanguard of rock criticism, with critic-god Lester Bangs leading the squad (though occasionally with some confusing side effects, like his bewildering review of Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music, with choice lines like, "Me, I like sex with vegetables, but I nurse this lingering paranoia that someday, some drunken night, I may get a radish between the sheets and discover it's homosexual").
Creem seems to want to continue the tradition, notifying its readers, "The sleeping lion has arisen, and stretches his long-slumbering limbs in search of something to scratch." The same letter derides Britney Spears and the Backstreet Boys but bows down to the spirits of David Bowie, the Rolling Stones, Grand Funk Railroad, and other great but now-decrepit idols that don't have much to do with forward progress.
Jason Turner of Creem Enterprises told Canada's CBC News, "There's so much amazing music happening today but there's no filter, no curation happening. We think Creem is a great brand to do this under."
We're a little hurt that he forgot all about us, but we hope -- for the sake of everyone involved -- that the N.Y.-and-L.A.-based new Creem can re-create at least some of its magic and lead the rest of us to the musical promised land. It's about time, isn't it?