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Wednesday, January 4, 2012

The Steve Jobs Action Figure Is a Creepy, Plasticky Abomination

Posted By on Wed, Jan 4, 2012 at 1:11 PM

click to enlarge Bow to your master, Apple fanboy.
  • Bow to your master, Apple fanboy.

He made your computer, your phone, your TV entertainment system, your music player, and he created the store where you buy most of your music. But just in case you think your screen-circumscribed life isn't already a total shrine to Steve Jobs, the most arrogant technologist of our age, now there's an action figure in his image to get your jollies with. And it's so creepy that only you, the most pathetic Apple fanboy alive, could possibly not hate it.

click to enlarge stevejobs_with_apple.jpg

Naturally, the 12-inch Steve Jobs icon comes with a (fake) iPad, a couple of apples, and a bunch of other props that will give unmentionable pleasures to Macworld attendees and Apple Insider readers like yourself. Semi-reasonable humans will of course be turned off by its ridiculous $99 price tag (it goes on sale next month), if they aren't already shuddering at its appearance. Because please -- this sick totem is a wholly misguided venture into the uncanny valley of human likeness. It's creepier than a horny stepdad at a middle school dance.

You, Apple freak, prone as you are to nerdery and Jobs worship, might think it's okay. You might think it's somewhat tasteful. You might even think it's cool. But even if you don't absolutely want to puke every time you look at this Steve Jobs doll, you have to agree that its creation and sale -- less than three full months after Jobs death -- can and should be answered with a single phrase:

Too fucking soon.


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