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Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Top 10 Songs No One Cares That You Know the Lyrics To

Posted By on Wed, Feb 29, 2012 at 3:30 AM

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You know who you are. You're that guy who starts bellowing in the middle of the bar while your friends pretend not to be with you. You're that girl who gets over-excited in the middle of Urban Outfitters and starts singing along to the song playing just loudly enough that everyone has to hear you, even though you're pretending to casually browse. You're the douche at the party who kills every conversation in the room by drawing all the attention towards yourself and your knowledge of the words of the song on the stereo. This list, oh proud lyric memorizers, is for you. Because all y'all learn the same songs as each other, and really, we don't care. Here are the 10 that bug us the most.

10. "Bohemian Rhapsody," Queen

Here's a freakin' newsflash, Freddy Mercury wannabes: every single person on Earth over the age of 20 knows all of the words to this song. It is one of the most memorable tracks ever recorded. This shit is ear osmosis. It's going into your brain whether you want it or not. So, dude waving your arms over your head and yelling along at the wedding party? No one cares. We know the words, too. So shut your cakehole.

9. "Gin and Juice," Snoop Dogg

This is the one most commonly known by white males who wear suits, work in offices, live in suburbs, and play golf on weekends. They learned the words to this when they were 16 years old because they'd never heard shit this crazy before. "Oh my god!" their adolescent brains marveled. "This guy smokes weed! And drinks! And has sex! With bitches! One day that's gonna be me." They never became Snoop Dogg. They never lived in the hood. They smoked weed a couple of times in college, but they didn't really like how lightheaded it made them. So now when this song comes on, they "rap" along with it in an attempt to give the impression that once upon a time, they were gangsta. They are fooling nobody. This just makes them look extra white.

8. "Wannabe," Spice Girls

This one most commonly comes out at bachelorette parties. The rendition -- we guarantee this -- will be a competition between two drunk women (both of whom think they resemble one of the Spice Girls physically) who sing desperately into one another's faces, just aching to get to Mel B's rap at the end so they can prove they know all of the words. They are totally unaware that a hearing-impaired four-year-old could memorize the words to this nursery rhyme in about 10 minutes. Forehead-slappingly dumb.

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Rae Alexandra


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