It must be difficult being billions of years old and living amongst the repulsive society of the human species, but our interview with Gwar frontman Oderus Urungus reveals that he has found certain simple pleasures to temper his hatred. The extraterrestrial heavy metal legend loudly snorted and burped throughout our interview as he elaborated on the joy of eating crack (and Mexicans,) explained the band's elusive battle juice concoction, and invited aspiring STDs to be tested by his notorious member. In brief moments of positivity he showed appreciation for the Bay Area, but there is no doubt Oderus Urungus will always be a Scumdog. Gwar performs this Friday, April 6, at the Regency Ballroom with Municipal Waste, Ghoul and Legacy of Disorder.
Oderus, how are you doing?
Alright, we just flew in your fair state. After decimating half of the country, we're finally in California, the happy little kingdom that you people have out here.
You're playing San Diego tonight; have you any thoughts on that region's Mexican food?
Oh, well I enjoy eating Mexicans just as much as any man does. They're spicy and they're actually kind of half-cooked. They've got great sauces and I find Mexicans to be perfectly seasoned in their natural stew.
I can relate to that. I'm from San Diego but now live in the Bay Area. Do you have a regional Californian preference?
I do love both ends of your country but there is something about Northern California that is so pretty that it fills me with rage and hatred. I like nice cold mountains and burning glaciers of lava and 90-foot-tall penguins dotting the landscape. I don't do so well with these fervent fields full of crops and happy workers fishing watermelons in the sun. That's not what the human race needs to be doing.
Isn't it kind of paradoxical that you're always entertaining the people you hate?
Yeah, but I don't think too hard about stuff that I like. It is a paradox, but I'd rather have a pair of ducks than eight chickens.
Of course. What do you do to pass time on tour?
Well there are lots of extracurricular activities, you know. There is the drug-taking, the slut-fucking, the serial-killing, the Tweeting. Yeah, I've got an oversized iPad 8, the iPad from the future. Really though, nothing seems to pass the time better than actually playing the damn show and coming to grips with the fans on that one-on-one basis where you see their throats splitting right in front of you and you can fuck their faces right across the barricade. Everything else is a boring waste of time.
What pre-show rituals do you engage in besides smoking crack?
I eat it, actually. I've found that smoking crack was actually taking too much time because you need a pipe and a lighter, so now I just chew that stuff up. I just drink the battle juice before we go on to get red in the face. We say a few tributary Scumdog prayers to our brother Flattus Maximus and then we hit the stage in an explosion of gore and dandruff.
Do you make the battle juice concoction yourself?
It's made by a strange company named Jägermestier. Have you ever heard of it? It's a special extra tasty version of it called the Jägermonster Jägermeister, which we distill into the Gwar battle juice. That gets us basically ready to go into the meaningless spree of a Gwar show. That's about all the ritual we have besides fornication and nipple rings.
Having been to your shows, I'm wondering if you've ever been tested for STDs?
Well, all STDs are tested by Oderus' member. If you're any kind of STD that wants to get anywhere in life you've pretty much got to be tested by it. It's like a breeding ground or a weapons facility for STDs. Every potential disease that is going to infect the human genital area has to pass the Oderus penis blister test, which I run nightly on stage.
Which human celebrities bore you the most lately?
Well they're all terrible, aren't they? The worst ones are these people trying to run for the Republican presidential nomination. You can't really call them politicians; you have to call them celebrities, since that's pretty much all they're good at, especially when they're meticulously organizing these self-congratulatory events. We all know they're going to lose. It's so pathetic to watch these sad old men say mean things to each other. It would be so much more interesting if they would be used in mortal planetary combat. I would prefer to see these naked old men hacking away at each other with farming tools instead of smooshing fancy foods into their holes in these elaborate façades.
Have you considered dismembering any 2012 presidential nominees on stage?
I do my best to ignore them. They're all so fucking banal and completely lacking in any taste or substance. I guess I'll wait until the convention, get them all in one room, and kill them all at once, but as far as this show is concerned, no. The whole political spectacle is so sickening that I wouldn't want to heap any more on you at a Gwar show. I figure that at least a Gwar show would give you a break from all of that.
Would you prefer to destroy all celebrities or all politicians?
Is there any way we can do both? Well, I would do the politicians first. I've got Snooki on tour with us so I'm already half-way through the celebrities. Do you only have to be on a reality TV show to be a celebrity now? It wasn't that way when I was coming up in the business. We used to have 8-tracks. When we put out an 8-track we knew we had arrived. Any band can have a Myspace page, not many bands can have a fucking 8-track.
Would you consider sparing a politician who would legalize crack cocaine?
Yes I would, but every human has to die.