In the multitude of songs in the world that never ever needed to be re-recorded by anyone, "Con Te Partirò" is high on the list. "What's "Con Te Partirò"?" you may be asking. Well, believe us when we say that, whether you recognize the title or not, you probably do know it, because this thing is a classic. In case you need a refresher, here's Andrea Bocelli performing the beloved Italian song at its best. Get the Kleenex out:
Yeah, we know. This ain't a classical blog. And we're not going to pretend to know much about the music. But this is one of those songs that, when done right, everyone on earth can be in love with and moved by. Which is probably why the confident young fellows in Vampire Weekend just took it upon themselves to cover this thing for a Valentine's Day compilation of romantic covers called Sweetheart 2014.
Attempting a new rendition of "Con Te Partirò" probably seemed like a great idea at the time. Then Vampire Weekend probably got to the studio, realized this thing had already been perfected (see above), tried to think outside the box to make it different, and, in a fit of undoubtedly half-insane desperation, went and added ... a reggae beat.
Yes, Vampire Weekend decided that this neo-classical song, appreciated the world over by a wide variety of different humans -- quite frequently at important events like funerals and weddings -- needed a FUCKING REGGAE ELEMENT. Why not just re-record "Nessun Dorma" and make it a bit dub-steppy while you're at it?
Just have a listen to this mess of ideas. (You'll probably cry to this one too, but for entirely different reasons):
Yup. That just happened. And we're sorry to be the ones to put you through it, but the disbelief that Vampire Weekend had a crack at this is just overwhelming. Not that Ezra Koenig doesn't handle the Italian element with aplomb -- truth be told we're rather impressed with his language skills -- but everything else about this is both dire and pointless.
Oh, and what's with the abrupt fade out at the end? Could VW just not be bothered to finish this properly? Not that we blame them. If we were screwing up a classic this badly, we'd want the experience over as quickly as possible, too.