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Thursday, February 26, 2009

Jennifer Siebel Newsom, Bigfoot, Alien -- Boy Are We Glad We Read the Paper Today

Posted By on Thu, Feb 26, 2009 at 10:10 AM

click to enlarge 'Course I believe it! I read it in the Weekly World News! - SCREEN CAPTURE TAKEN FROM HTTP://WEEKLYWORLDNEWS.COM/
  • screen capture taken from http://weeklyworldnews.com/
  • 'Course I believe it! I read it in the Weekly World News!

Much has been made about how San Francisco's First Lady, Jennifer Siebel Newsom, undergoes a little bedroom bipartisanship in her upcoming movie, The Trouble With Romance. In fact, director Gene Rhee even promised that scenes of Siebel Newsom's character accommodating two suitors simultaneously will "create quite a stir."

It took the Weekly World News -- the self-billed provider of the "World's Only Reliable News" -- to reveal just what will be so stirring. Apparently the first lady has executed a film first by hooking up with an alien -- and Bigfoot! Or, as the intrepid WWN reporter put it:   

In the final act of the film, the two male protagonists are revealed to be an alien and a Sasquatch!  There is an epic battle playing out that pits the two species against each other, complicated when both characters fall in love with Newsom's character.

As is typically the case, the tension, and the rivalries, can only be resolved in the bedroom with all three parties taking part.

Of course this is a crass generalization. You can't resolve sexual tension via group sex with just any alien. It depends where they're from.

Other headlines in the WWN today: BAT BOY BLAMED FOR JOAQUIN'S BEHAVIOR; BOBBY JINDAL IS A ROBOT FROM THE FUTURE; and BAILOUT PACKAGE NEGLECTS ATHLETES. The latter was penned by Shoeless Joe Jackson.

If you bullshit, he will come.


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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Bio:
Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.

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