"These conspiratorial coxcombs are confused about consanguinity," replied Ballard, showing a flair for alliteration and GRE-level words.
"The mayor's father's sister was at one time married to the Speaker's husband's brother. So the Speaker's nieces and nephews are the Mayor's first cousins," he continued.
"For the black helicopter crowd, this kind of diagram is too difficult to sketch. So, instead they call her his aunt."
It's not exactly on par with Bill Wyman, but that is a difficult family tree to ascend. So, rather than cause everyone's heads to explode, we'll reveal that Nancy Pelosi is the aunt of Gavin Newsom's cousins -- which also makes Pelosi Newsom's late aunt's former sister-in-law.
And, if you're the National Republican Congressional Committee, this explains everything.